


Sakura Snows

by Kurai Himitsu (Taskuhecate)



Category: Fruits Basket, Fruits Basket - Takaya Natsuki (Manga)
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Drama, Drug Addiction, M/M, Rape/Non-con Elements, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-07-01
Updated: 2006-05-04
Packaged: 2019-04-07 17:32:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14086035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taskuhecate/pseuds/Kurai%20Himitsu
Summary: A/N:Heh…I hope you like this… I noticed, while gazing through fics, that there were too few angsty Ayame fics. I shall remedy that.  In case you're curious, "Sakura Fuyu" means "Cherry Blossom Winter". Oh, and like most of my fics, this is depressing, so you've been warned in advance.Disclaimer:I don't ownFruits Basket, and I'm not making any money off this, either.





	1. Sakura Fuyu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **A/N:**  Heh…I hope you like this… I noticed, while gazing through fics, that there were too few angsty Ayame fics. I shall remedy that.  In case you're curious, "Sakura Fuyu" means "Cherry Blossom Winter". Oh, and like most of my fics, this is depressing, so you've been warned in advance.
> 
>  **Disclaimer:**  I don't own  _Fruits Basket_ , and I'm not making any money off this, either.

Ayame shivered. It was cold out, but it that was to be expected; after all, it was the middle of winter. He shivered again and pulled the haori tighter around himself as he sat on the bench, snow falling placidly to land in his hair and on his haori and kimono.

One may ask why the snake of zodiac would be sitting on a bench in the middle of winter wearing only a kimono, a haori, and a pair of geta. The reason was simple: he was tired. He had been to see Yuki earlier, only to be shunned as though he was the foulest of creatures.

 _Then again_ , he thought to himself as he stared out over the Sohma estate,  _Perhaps I am…_

An old conversation, forgotten for years, floated to his mind…

" _Which one is it?"_

" _The Snake, I heard… Foul, dirty creature, it is."_

" _I know, I would hate to have the shame of being its parents…"_

" _As would I… I heard it was stupid…not quite right in the head, you know?"_

" _Yes, I heard the same thing…they say it does nothing but follow the Dog and Dragon. I pity even those creatures for having to put up with it…"_

Ayame's eyes clouded and he realized there were tears on his cheeks; he hurriedly wiped them away and hugged himself. Suddenly his mind returned to what Yuki had said earlier…

" _Damn you, you stupid snake! When will you get it through that thick skull of yours that I don't like you and never will! Just leave me the hell alone like you wanted to when I was little!"_

"Yuki…I'm sorry," he whispered but the wind tore away the words before they could be heard. The snake shivered as his breath clouded in front of him.  _Maybe…maybe if I stay here long enough…I'll die… Then no one can hurt me anymore…and I can't hurt them…_

And then there was his other problem…the one concerning Hatori…

"Ayame," came a voice from behind him.

The snake didn't move; he knew who it was and he had no desire to talk to anyone, especially not  _him_. "Ayame, what are you doing out in the cold and snow? And dressed like that?" Ayame didn't answer as he concentrated on the snow collecting at his feet.

"Come on," said Hatori. "Let's get you inside where it's warm…" The snake ignored the dragon, pretending to become stone, something that couldn't feel…

"Ayame," said the dragon, sharper this time, "Do you want to freeze to death?"

"Yes…" whispered Ayame finally.

Behind the snake, Hatori frowned and moved to stand behind his friend. "What are you talking about Ayame?" he asked. "You don't really want to freeze to death do you?"

Ayame shivered, feeling slightly drowsy, cold; his eyes drooped closed. "Yes…yes I do Tori-san…"

Hatori sighed. "Come inside so we can talk about this…"

The snake shook his head slightly and Hatori sighed again. "Fine," muttered the dragon. "But I won't let you freeze to death."

Ayame's eyes snapped open as he felt the dragon's strong arms embrace him. "T-Tori-san…?"

"If you won't come in to get warm, I'll just have to keep you warm like this until you come to your senses and come in with me," said the dragon, his head resting on Ayame's shoulder and his warm breath on the Ayame's cold skin sent shivers down the snake's spine.

Ayame sat there, stiff and awkward for a while. He sighed; warm…Hatori was so warm… The snake began to go limp in the dragon's embrace, melting into the warmth, his amber eyes closed. He opened his eyes again to see the sakura tree over the bench in bloom, the grass, green, and the snow had turned into sakura petals. Warm…it was so warm…

 

* * *

 

"Ayame! Ayame! Wake up!"

Someone was shaking him, urging him to open his eyes and say something. The snake frowned and squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head.

"Ayame!" He recognized the voice now; it was Hatori. "I know you're awake…"

The snake groaned.  _Not him…not now!_ "Go away…" he whispered hoarsely, rolling over onto his side, "Just let me die…"

"Ayame, please…talk to me," said the dragon, worry lacing his voice. "Please." Silence. "Fine," snapped the dragon. "Don't talk."

Ayame sighed and suddenly coughed, his body shuddering with the force of it. "Ayame?"

The snake groaned and clutched at his throat. "Ow…"

"Let me see," said Hatori, sounding professional.

Ayame finally opened his eyes; he was in Hatori's room on the spare futon the dragon kept for special patients he couldn't leave alone for long. Through the window, the snake could see the last dying rays of the sun casting shafts of splintered light into the room. The dragon carefully helped the snake into a sitting position and put a stethoscope to his chest.

"Hmm… You have a cold, idiot snake," sighed the dragon fondly.

Ayame looked at the ground. "I'm sorry," he said, a few tears slipping from under his smoky lashes. "I'm so sorry…so…sorry…"

Hatori looked at the snake, surprised and worried. "It's all right Ayame," he comforted. "I'm not angry."

Ayame didn't answer, his silver bangs veiling his expression, but Hatori noticed the tears fall to the floor. "Ayame, please talk to me," he demanded. "What's wrong?"

"He hates me," whispered the snake. "Everyone does…"

Hatori frowned. "Ayame, look at me." The snake made no move to do as the dragon asked; Hatori sighed, frustrated. He gently lifted the snake's chin with his finger, but Ayame continued to look at the ground, his dark lashes hiding his amber eyes.

"Ayame, please look at me." Reluctantly, the snake did as the dragon asked. Hatori sighed. "Thank you," he said. "Now tell me what's wrong…"

"They hate me," repeated Ayame, tears sliding down his pale cheeks. "They all do…"

Hatori frowned. "They don't hate you Ayame," he reassured the snake. "I promise."

Ayame shook his head; his eyes squeezed shut, silver hair flying with the motion. "They call me stupid, tell me I'm filthy… They don't want me around… I'm sure they'd be happy if I died." Ayame looked away, his thin shoulders shaking from suppressed sobs; he whispered, "No one likes snakes anyway…"

Hatori's eyes narrowed. "And just who is  _they_?" he asked.

The snake sniffed. "Everyone… Yuki, Kyo, other people in the family, Akito…everyone…"

"Ayame," said Hatori, his voice gentle. "They don't hate you. Yuki and Kyo just find you annoying, but they don't hate you," he said.

Ayame looked at the dragon, his eyes pleading, begging this to be true; Hatori continued, "Akito hates everyone, with the exception of Yuki and Shigure," he said. "As to the rest of the family; they don't know you. They see you and make assumptions based on how you look and the spirit that possess you, not about  _you_."

Tears were staining Ayame's alabaster cheeks now and Hatori tenderly pulled the snake to him, comforting him as best he could. "It's all right Ayame," he whispered into the snake's long silver-white hair. "It'll be all right, I promise…"

"I…I don't want to be hurt anymore," sobbed Ayame quietly, his voice muffled slightly by Hatori's shirt. "I don't want to hurt anymore…"

Hatori looked at the air, his arms holding the snake to him. He would have given anything at that moment to take away all of Ayame's pain…all the loneliness he knew the snake endured, the pain he could scarcely imagine. He knew that even though Ayame put up a cheerful front, he was truly the loneliest person.

Shigure's words came floating back to him, the dog's mellow voice as clear to the dragon as if the dog was standing next to him, whispering them in his ear…  _"That's why…I envy even you, Hatori… I may be…the most cursed of us all…"_

 _No…_  thought Hatori to himself, pulling Ayame closer still.  _No…you're wrong Shigure… He has it far worse…than even you…_

 

* * *

 

Ayame didn't know when sleep finally overcame him, still held safely, securely, in the dragon's warm embrace. He woke to soft cotton cloth on his cheek, jet-black hair mingling gently with his own silver tresses, a striking contrast, light-and-dark, night-and-day…

He sighed, still drugged with sleep, the darkness's charming and bittersweet embrace. He snuggled into the warmth, his cold body craving the heat, the pounding of the heart next to his.  _I…I could stay like this…_  he thought to himself.  _Always…it's so warm…so warm here… And soft… I could stay like this…forever…for always…_  He sighed, contented.

"Ayame?" came Hatori's voice. The softness against the snake rumbled with the sound.

Ayame pulled back, startled at the sudden revelation that he'd been sleeping against the dragon. "T-Tori-san!"

Hatori smiled slightly. "Yes. Did you have a good sleep?"

The snake looked away, a bright red blush on his pale cheeks. "I-I'm sorry…"

There was a soft rumbling and it took Ayame a moment to realize Hatori was laughing, or chuckling at least; he looked up to see a soft smile on the dragon's features. "Don't worry about it Ayame," he said. "I didn't mind…besides, you looked like you needed it."

The snake looked away again, this time more ashamed than embarrassed. "Ayame," said Hatori quietly, serious now. "We need to talk."

"Tori-san…I'd rather not…"

The dragon sighed. "Please Ayame, for your own good, you need to tell me what's bothering you…"

"Please Tori-san, not now…"

Hatori snorted. "Yes,  _now_ , Ayame."

There was silence, the calm before the storm, as Ayame fixed his narrowed amber eyes on the dragon, a strange fire flickering in their golden depths. "Fine! It's  _you_ …you're what's bothering me so damn much!" he hissed, voice low and vehement. "It's  _your_  fault!"

Hatori blinked back his surprise at Ayame's tone; he'd never heard the snake sound so enraged before in all their long years of friendship. "A-Ayame…what do you mean?"

"Forget it," snapped the snake, moving away from the dragon's warmth. "It doesn't matter."

Hatori frowned, shaking his head, black hair falling in his emerald eyes. "Ayame, I'm your doctor, of course it matters to me. You're my friend."

The snake chuckled bitterly, a sour smile curling his thin lips. "Friend," he whispered, his lips carefully forming the word, feeling it roll off his tongue. "Yes, that's all I am, your patient, your friend; someone to help you when your so called perfect love can't pull herself together enough to spare you pain, someone to help you pick up the pieces when  _she_  left without a backward glance. Yes, I'm your  _friend_."

Hatori watched the snake, confusion clear on his face. "Ayame…I…"

"Don't bother."

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose tiredly, shaking his head. "Ayame, I have no choice as your doctor but to confine you to this house, is that clear?"

Ayame remained silent, his eyes closed; the fire had drained, leaving him weary. "Ayame?" repeated Hatori, softer this time. "I  _am_ sorry, but you left me no choice…please forgive me…"

"Of course Tori-san," answered the snake quietly, nodding as he got to his feet and left the room.

Hatori sighed, running a hand through his jet-black hair. "Why must you be so difficult Ayame?" he asked the empty room.

 

* * *

 

"Hello?"

"Haa-san!" chirped Shigure on the other end of the telephone line; Hatori groaned mentally. "How are you today?"

The dragon sighed. "Shigure…not now. I'm under a lot of stress…"

A pause. "What kind of stress Haa-san?"

 _If only there were a needle long enough…_  "Ayame…"

"Ah," said Shigure knowingly.

"He tried to kill himself."

Another pause, longer this time. "What?"

Hatori sighed. "Ayame tried to kill himself yesterday…he's here now though."

"What do you mean he tried to kill himself?" demanded the dog angrily. "How?"

"He sat outside in fifteen degree weather for almostan hour and a half, wearing nothing but a kimono and an old haori, hoping he would freeze to death," answered the dragon tiredly. "Which is suicide, especially for Ayame."

Hatori could hear Shigure groan on the other end. "Did he tell you why?"

"Not yet," replied the dragon, rubbing his temples, Ayame's accusation pounding in his skull. "But I've confined him to the house for now… He hasn't said much since last night, but what ever was the reason for the suicide attempt, its apparently been going on for some time and he just finally collapsed under the pressure of it."

Shigure sighed, a rush of static on the line. "Poor Aaya," he muttered. "I don't understand why he didn't tell us sooner that something was bothering him like that…"

"Ayame bottles up his true feelings, Shigure," said Hatori quietly. "He puts up a happy mask, but he's tormented inside…though I'm not sure why."

Shigure sighed. "So you've noticed that too, huh?"

"Do you know why?"

There was a pause. "No…look, I have to go now, Tohru's just set the table; I'll talk to you later…"

Before Hatori could say anything, the dog had hung up and he was left listening to a dial tone.  _That was strange…_ thought Hatori.  _He's hiding something…_  The dragon sighed and shook his head.  _I might as well try to talk to Ayame again…_  He made his way to the living room, searching for the snake, but strangely enough, Ayame was absent from every room…

"Ayame?" called the dragon. "Where are you?"

There was no answer. The dragon was getting worried now; the only room left was the kitchen and he highly doubted Ayame would go there…

"Ayame?" Hatori looked in and his emerald eyes widened. " _AYAME_!"

He raced in, rushing to the snake's side. Ayame was lying on the floor, blood all around him, the crimson staining his silver hair that covered his ghost white face. Hatori knelt next to the motionless body, hands trembling, and searched for the wound.

 _Blood…there's so much…there's so much red! It's everywhere! What the hell happened! Ayame!_  The dragon finally found the source and his own blood ran like ice in his veins, the fragments cutting his heart, ripping it to jagged pieces. It was a long, deep cut, the crimson liquid still welling out of it, on Ayame's slender, powder-white wrist.

"Damn you Ayame!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:**  Wow, short chapter; please let me know if you think the rating's too high. Either way, will Ayame die? I don't know. Maybe. Heh. I know; you hate me. Oh well. Anyway, I hope you'll keep reading. And what is this secret Shigure seems to have? Does the dog know more than he's telling? Perhaps… Keep reading. And please  ** _review_**!


	2. Chi no Yume

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **A/N:**  Wow. That's all I can really say. Wow. I'm sooo happy you liked the first chapter! Hehehe… Well, since you've all been so nice, I'll tell you a secret. I have already three and a half chapters of this story and I update almost every night. But then again, it'll be a while before it's finished as, well, I'm not sure where it's going anymore and I'm still rewriting and editing… Heh. Please keep reading though! And replies to all my lovely reviewers at the end of the chapter!  In case you're curious, "Chi no Yume" means "Dreams of Blood". Oh, and it's still depressing.
> 
>  **Disclaimer:**  I don't own  _Fruits Basket_ , and I'm not making any money off this, either.

"Hatori!" yelled Shigure, stumbling into the dragon's house. Hatori had just called him and told him what had happened. By gods he hoped it was some sick prank but he knew Hatori and he knew the dread feeling in his gut. This was no prank. "Where the hell are you!"

The dog sprinted down the hall, looking into each room for the dragon and snake. He froze, however, when he reached the kitchen. His chocolate eyes widened in horror; the kitchen tiles were stained red, the liquid pooling in the grout and branching out in small, morbid rivers of crimson. It was smeared in some places and there were a pair of footprints leading out of the room. Whoever had left the prints must have been running judging by the way they slid.

Shigure felt numb. A curious feeling of dizziness swept over him as the nauseating stench of blood began to overpower him. He clung to the wall for support as his legs began to shake and the dizziness reached new heights.

"Shigure! We're in here!"

The dog wasted no time shaking his head to clear the nausea from his nose and sprinting toward the dragon's room. He flung open the old shoji to see Hatori kneeling next to a futon. On the futon was Ayame, pale as death, his breathing ragged and shallow, blood still dripping from one of his wrists as Hatori tried desperately to stitch the other.

"Shigure! Help!" cried the dragon. "Hold his wrist still for me…I can't do this by myself!"

The dog was at the dragon and Ayame's side in a flash. He held the snake's slender, bleeding wrist as gently as he could in his shaking hands as Hatori's needle dipped in and out of the pale, nearly see-through, skin, bringing the slashed sides together, hoping to impede the flow of crimson liquid. They quickly sewed the other wrist and sat back on their heels, nervous and shaking, staring at the unconscious snake.

Shigure swallowed as he watched Ayame's gaunt chest almost imperceptibly rise and fall in time with his shallow breaths, labored as they were. His chocolate eyes traveled up, past the still-wet blood shinning on the snake's linen kimono, to his bloodstained face. Ayame's silver moon-spun hair was spread around him, crimson rubies sparkling throughout its milky expanse, on the downy pillow. His golden eyes were closed behind thin lids, his mouth lax, his head slightly turned to the side as though he were…

 _No,_ screamed Shigure in his mind, violently shaking his head, covering his face with his shaking hands.  _Aaya will live…h-he'll…he'll be fine…he'll be fine!_

Suddenly the dog saw, even though his eyes remained closed, a vision of the snake, hair sprinkled red, laying on a flowing bed of red and black satin, a coffin of lacquered ebony carved with intricate designs of snakes along the hammered silver inlay. His slender hands were folded delicately over his thin chest, crimson liquid flowering from his slashed wrists, his amber-gold eyes closed forever to the world; flowers and the scent of death were everywhere, mingling, grotesquely peculiar in such a grim scene.

"Aaya!" The dog's eyes flew open, his breathing ragged and erratic. "Oh gods…"

"Shigure," said Hatori, his voice tremulous, eyes wide. "Breathe…gods, breathe! I've had enough to deal with without you too!"

Shigure dragged in a breath and swallowed hard, still shaking. "H-Haa…san?" he whispered.

The dragon glanced at him. "Y-yes?"

"What…what now?"

Hatori didn't answer, still staring at the snake's pale visage, the perfect picture of grim. "I…I don't know Shigure," he said quietly. "We wait, I suppose…that's all we really can do…"

Shigure watched, stunned, as Hatori got to his feet and left the room, his emerald eyes wide and dazed. He looked back at the snake and his face softened, chocolate eyes glassy and wounded. "Oh Aaya, why?"

Unsurprisingly, Ayame didn't respond. The dog gently stroked his silver hair, tears collecting in his chocolate eyes. Memories of the snake floated through his mind, some half remembered, most clear as crystal, bright as golden suns. His friend of twenty-seven years, short only a month or so, had once been bright but a darkness had claimed him somehow, Shigure knew, pained by the knowledge.

_Ignorance is bliss Haa-san…truly…_

The silver strands were soft as they flowed like water through his trembling fingers. Dark memories hovered at the edge of his mind as he prayed for a lost soul."Please don't let go Aaya, don't give up…not yet…please…"

 

* * *

 

_"Gure-san…"_

_The dog glanced up, slightly surprised to see Ayame standing there, clad in a loose robe, dimmed gold eyes seeming lost as he looked about the familiar room. Shigure frowned, going to his friend, guiding the snake to a seat at the low table. "Aaya, you should be sleeping…"_

_Ayame didn't answer, eyes downcast, lost. "Wha…what happened…?"_

_Chocolate eyes looked away, loathe to remember what he knew. What had happened again. "You…you did it again last night, Aaya. What was wrong this time?"_

_Silver glinted as the sun bounced off it, refracting the light and drenching the figure in soft golden radiance, making his wide confused eyes appear all the more dim. The snake swallowed, shivering. "I can't sleep…I see it every time…"_

" _Aaya, it's not going to happen," sighed the dog. "I promise you."_

" _But—Tori-san! He was covered in blood! He was lying there…so broken…I can't bear to see it again! Even if it is only a dream…"_

" _You need to sleep Aaya," reasoned the dog. "If you don't, I'll have to call Haa-san…you don't want him to see you like this, do you?"_

" _No! Don't, please!" Ayame gripped the fabric of Shigure's kimono sleeve, eyes wide, frightened now, his face as pale and sickly as it had been the day before. "Please Gure-san…"_

" _Will you sleep then?" Silence from the snake; Ayame looked away, shivering worse than before. "Aaya, you have a choice: don't sleep and have Haa-san see you this way, or sleep and risk the dream. Which would you rather?"_

_Ayame shrunk into himself, curling into the dog's side, Shigure's hand stroking his hair. "I…I don't know…"_

_Shigure sighed again, wishing for a better situation, a better time for his friend. "Aaya, you need to stop…I'm sure it's what's giving you these dreams… I know it is…"_

_Translucent turquoise tears were spilling silently down the sunken cheeks. Ayame's golden eyes were pleading, beseeching as he looked up at Shigure's comforting face. "Please…Gure-san, I…I want to stop…please…help me…"_

_The dog smiled softly, pulling the snake to him. "Of course, Aaya; of course… I would never abandon you. I'll help you…but you have to get some rest for me to do that… Can you?"_

_Ayame swallowed dryly. Is gaze turned inward, weighing consequences, means, and ends. He looked back at Shigure, eyes like a small, frightened child. He nodded slowly, almost imperceptibly. "I…I'll try…"_

_Shigure's smile widened slightly, in admiration of his friend's will, his strength, and determination. "Good…then let's get you back in bed, all right?"_

"… _All right…thank you…Gure-san…"_

 

* * *

 

Shigure sighed, brushing back Ayame's bangs from the closed eyes. "Aaya, I know it's hard, this life; believe me, I  _know_." Ayame's pale face was serene, frozen in time it seemed. "But I know you can make it. You proved that a long time ago. Don't let go, hold onto the delusion Aaya; don't let this reality kill you… _please_ …"

Light played across Ayame's face, casting away the shadows and for a moment, Shigure could remember the happier Ayame, the one that didn't worry excessively, didn't doubt, wasn't bitter at the short-handed life he'd been given, at the horrors his eyes had seen…

 _Beautiful_ , thought Shigure.  _You still have so much to come back to Aaya, don't abandon it…please…_

 

* * *

 

His footsteps echoed, it seemed, such a hollow sound in his ears; unfocused. The dragon made his way back to the kitchen and stood in the doorway staring vacantly, a lost and dazed glaze over his emerald eyes, at the crimson blood webs across the floor. A shiver raced up his spine; he shuddered.

Mechanically, he went to the sink and wetted a rag with scalding water, not caring or flinching as the boiling liquid burned his trembling hands. He turned back to the bloodstained floor and knelt, beginning the laborious task of washing away the crimson from the grout. It took him all of an hour, the acrid smell assailing his nose and clouding his mind.

When he was done, he threw the rag away, not even bothering to try to clean it. He gazed at the room again, but all he could see was the bleeding, prone form of Ayame dying on the tile.

" _Friend… Yes, that's all I am, your patient, your friend; someone to help you when your so called perfect love can't pull herself together enough to spare you pain, someone to help you pick up the pieces when she left without a backward glance. Yes, I'm your friend."_

Hatori swallowed; he could feel bile at the back of his throat, he could see nothing but red covering the floor, the walls, the counters…

" _Fine! It's you…you're what's bothering me so damn much! It's your fault!"_

He looked down and his emerald eyes widened in horror; his hands were soaked in the thick crimson substance.

His stomach lurched and the dragon sprinted across the hall to the bathroom and retched, barely making it to the toilet in time. His stomach heaved, and he closed his eyes, trying to swallow despite the foul taste in his mouth. He rested his cheek against the cool white porcelain, the cold of it numbing his skin. His eyes opened halfway, gazing at nothing; the emerald orbs were vacant and hollow.

 _Ayame…_  His lips silently formed the name, speaking it only to himself. "Why…?"

Again the vision of the dying snake, the crimson covering his cold body and staining his alabaster skin. The dragon's stomach heaved, the bile rising; he stopped fighting it and retched into the toilet again. He panted, swallowing the putrid taste as he slowly got to his feet; he wiped his mouth and gargled, desperately trying to clear his mouth of the taste. When he was satisfied, he looked up, into the mirror over the small sink.

His reflection stared back at him, the black hair mussed, the face pale, and the emerald eyes glazed. He reached out and gently ran his fingers across the image. His lips moved but no sound came out as he silently mouthed 'stay…why…please, don't leave me…', his lips feeling the words, wishing they would reach the cataleptic snake, comfort him, protect him…

 _Ayame…don't leave… Don't go… I…I need you here… I love…_  He stopped. What was he possibly thinking! He loved Kana! Kana had been it for him…no more…  _But Ayame…_

He shook his head.  _I love him like a brother…nothing more…_  He glanced back at the kitchen as he made his way to his room.  _But still…I couldn't bear it if he left…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:**  Well, you've made it this far. Congratulations. Now, even more mysteries… But it's not  _as_  much of a cliffhanger this time. You may now thank me for that. (Kidding!) Anyway, I hope you've enjoyed the story so far and I apologize for the chapters being so short.
> 
> _**To My Most Wonderful Reviewers:** _
> 
> ladysnape575-  _Yes! That's the story all right, angsty and coffee—addictive! And please, don't explode. I don't feel like washing you out of the carpet… Thank you so much for reviewing too! I feel so loved!_
> 
> FireChibi- _What! You simply MUST read the manga! There's so much MORE about Aaya-chan-sama in it! Yes, yes! Someone who shares my view on Aaya-chan-sama! How very refreshing! Thank you so much!_
> 
> dimonyo-anghel-  _My sentiments exactly. Truly, Aaya-chan-sama got the short end of the stick in this one… But I do agree; die stupid old people who said Aaya-chan-sama was filthy! Thanks for the review!_
> 
> Zukinn Chan- _Thanks for waiting! And your review did sway me a little. Aaya-chan-sama lives for another chapter. I really hope you liked this one too…personally, I think the story is just getting darker and darker…it's one big dark fest! Thanks for a wonderful review!_
> 
> SamusKaiba:TheNeglected-  _Thanks! I changed the rating for you. In anycasem thank you so much for review! Hope you keep reading!_
> 
> All of you; thank you soo much! And please, keep  **reading**  and  ** _reviewing_**!


	3. Himitsu to Kokuhaku

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **A/N:**  What, oh what will Hatori do? He's starting to realize Ayame's important to him…but just how important? Shigure knows things and he's not telling…or will he?  In case you're curious, "Himitsu to Kokuhaku" means "Secrets and Confessions". It's still depressing. Sorry.
> 
>  **Disclaimer:**  I don't own  _Fruits Basket_ , and I'm not making any money off this, either.

"Is he awake?"

Shigure glanced back. "No, not yet… Haa-san…do you know…why?"

Hatori frowned. "Why he did it? No—"

"No, why he's so angry at you lately…"

The dragon's eyes narrowed. "How do you know about that?"

The dog looked away, back to Ayame's still frame. "If…if he doesn't…doesn't make it…then I'll tell you," he said softly. "But only then…"

"Shigure—"

"Don't." He shook his head. "Don't ask me! I promised him…and I will  _not_  break that promise now!"

The dragon's eyes were wild as he wrenched Shigure's shoulder, forcing the dog to look at him. "Do you realize that whatever secret you're keeping from me could very well be the reason for his attempts? If you don't tell me, I won't be able to prevent the next one!"

"No!" yelled Shigure back, eyes hard and determined, closed doors behind which lay the secrets that were plaguing the dragon. "I promised him! And it wouldn't change anything even if I told you!"

"Leave me to decide that Shigure!" hissed the dragon. "I  _can't_  lose him! I just  _can't_! It would kill me Shigure! Destroy me! Do you want that!"

Shigure looked at the ground, his eyes closed. "Why do you think I would?" he asked softly. "But how can you think I will betray the trust Aaya gave me so long ago when he couldn't bear it any longer, the silence, and  _had_  to tell someone?"

"But why you?" It hurt, that the snake hadn't trusted him enough. Why hadn't Ayame told him?  _Why Shigure?_  "Why not me!"

"I don't know."

Hatori looked away, slamming his fist into the wall angrily as he passed it, feet leading him to one side of the room only to take him to the other and back again. Shigure watched the dragon silently, noting the drawn, worn face and the bent posture, the sagging eyelids.

"Haa-san…"

Hatori looked up. "What?"

"Haa-san, go rest…I'll watch him."

"I can't!"

Shigure shook his head. "No…you need sleep; you're about to collapse." Hatori frowned, about to protest. "No…just go. I'll watch him and get you if anything changes." Hatori glanced at Ayame uneasily. "I promise Haa-san. Now go!"

Hatori sighed, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "All right…but if he changes even a little—"

"—I'll get you," finished Shigure firmly. "Now, go to sleep!"

Hatori opened his mouth to protest but all that emerged was a deep yawn. Shigure smiled slightly. The dragon shook his head and made his way to the door, pausing in the doorway. "Take…take care of him for me Shigure…please…"

"I will," promised the dog, a small smiled on his lips. "Now go!"

As soon as Hatori had left to his guest room, Shigure turned back to Ayame's still form and his eyes narrowed. "Aaya…why did you do this?" he whispered.  _Was it because the hopelessness became too much for you? Or was it because you thought he would see through you? Wouldn't understand you? Reject you?_

Again the snake gave no answer and Shigure sighed, resigning himself to the helpless role of observer yet again. He was always forced to watch. He could only watch as Ayame and Yuki had grown farther and farther apart until Ayame could scarcely remember Yuki's name. He could only stare as Akito nearly blinded Hatori and the dragon's world crashed around him. Always forced to watch, helpless to stop anything.

He shook his head. "I'm so sorry Aaya…I couldn't help you…"

Shigure could have sworn her heard and soft "I forgive you" from the snake, but he knew it was fallacy. Ayame hadn't said anything, he couldn't. A small sob choked him and tears that he'd held since he'd first seen the snake began to fall to shatter against the hardwood floor, like stars falling to oblivion.

"Aaya…"

_Please…don't give up hope…not yet…please…_

 

* * *

 

Yuki peered into to each room as he passed, searching for Hatori, or maybe even Shigure, as he wandered through the dragon's seemingly empty house. "Hatori? Shigure?"

"Yuki?"

He turned to see a worn Shigure leaning against the doorjamb of Hatori's room, dark circles under his eyes. "Shigure, where's Hatori? I—"

"Not so loud," sighed the dog, massaging his temple tiredly. "Hatori is sleeping in the guestroom. Don't bother him…"

Yuki frowned. "What happened? You left dinner last night so fast I thought you wouldn't even bother to open the door to get out."

Shigure shook his head, disappearing back into the room he'd emerged from. The rat glanced around before following the dog, frowning when he caught sight of Ayame's limp form on the futon. "What's he doing here?"

Shigure's eyes closed. "That's why I left so fast…he slit his wrists yesterday afternoon…"

Yuki's eyes widened and he stared at his brother, horror-struck. "But—"

"He hasn't woken up yet… We don't know why he did it."

The rat didn't answer as he stared. "I don't get it," he said suddenly. "I mean, he's…he's  _him_ …"

"I know."

Yuki shook his head, eyes never leaving Ayame's pale face. "Hatori…?"

"I made him go rest," answered Shigure, leaning tiredly against the wall as he sat on the floor. "He was about to collapse…"

The rat looked over at the dog suddenly. "You…you look like you're about to do the same," he muttered. Shigure shook his head.

"No, Yuki… I have to…have to…"

He trailed off, yawning widely.

Yuki smiled barely. "Go rest Shigure. I'll watch Nii-san and get you if anything happens. Go."

Shigure sighed, too tired to possibly argue. He shakily got to his feet, calling quietly over his shoulder, "Not me, Yuki…if anything happens…get Hatori…"

Yuki nodded before turning back to his brother.  _Nii-san…why…?_

 

* * *

 

Shigure staggered down the hall, heading unconsciously for Hatori's guestroom. His feet dragged from weights he couldn't speak of, but for a promise to a withering soul; still, it was hard. He opened the shoji quietly and went in, standing at the edge of the bed as Hatori slept under the covers, his closed eyes nearly sunken and tired.

"Haa-san…if only you knew…"

The dragon stirred slightly in his sleep and the dog stiffened, eyes wide and anxious. After a moment, however, he realized the other man was still sound asleep. He sighed, releasing a latent breath. He headed back towards the door, glancing over his shoulder as he shut it.

_Sleep on Haa-san… Ayame's waiting for you to save him…the gods know I can't…_

 

* * *

 

Yuki took a deep breath. Hesitantly, he reached out and brushed a thin hand through Ayame's silver hair; it was soft, like silk. The rat swallowed. "Nii-san…"

The snake had grown paler, though Yuki blamed that on anxiety and a dark imagination; it appeared his breathing had gotten all the more shallow and rattling, again Yuki shoved the thought away, finding it impossible to believe that his graceful and 'perfect' brother could ever come close to such a dark death…

The rat's fingers brushed milky-pale skin and he frowned, brushing back his own hair from his eyes with his other hand. Ayame's hand seemed colder. His pulse was flitting thinly beneath his wasted skin. Yuki's eyes widened.  _Oh gods…Nii-san!_

He scrambled to his feet; something wasn't right. He was no doctor, but he knew that much. He was sprinting down the hall in seconds. "Hatori!  _Hatori_!"

The dragon's guestroom door opened to reveal a weary, yet worried Hatori, clad in an old blue kimono Ayame would have had burned immediately if he could have seen it. "What is it Yuki?"

"Nii-san! Something's wrong!" The dragon's eyes narrowed to slits and he hurried after the rat to the room Ayame had been laid in.

Dropping to his knees beside the weakening man, the dragon checked for a pulse. "What happened," he snapped.

Yuki swallowed. "I-I don't know…he's cold… He's pale, a-and his heartbeat…"

"All right! Enough!" Yuki's eyes widened and his mouth shut immediately.

"Haa-san…?"

Yuki looked back to see the dog standing anxiously in the doorway, his face drawn, eyes tumultuous. Hatori didn't answer at first and Shigure took a deep breath, willing himself to stay calm; his hand tightened it's hold on the doorjamb, his mouth dry.

"He's…he's getting weaker," Hatori faded off, swallowing. Shigure closed his eyes, pained; Yuki just stared mutely at the snake. "There's nothing…nothing I can do for him… We just have to pray…that he has the will to live…"

Shigure groaned, sliding down with his back against the wall, his head in his hands.  _Aaya…please! Please! Come back…_

Hatori took a breath. "Out," he whispered, voice barely audible. The other two looked up at him, frowning. "Out…please…"

The rat and dog exchanged a quick glance before doing as the dragon had asked. Once they were gone, Hatori turned back to Ayame, his face softening as his dark, troubled emerald eyes rested on the snake. "Ayame…"

He didn't know why, but tears were gathering in his eyes, blurring what vision he still had. "Ayame, please…I need you here…please don't go!" he pleaded, brushing his knuckles lightly down the snake's sunken cheek. "I couldn't live… I couldn't live with myself if you…  _Please_  Ayame…"

He closed his eyes, swallowing back a sob. "Ayame, what have you been trying to tell me? That I've been ignoring you?" he asked. "Because I'm sorry… I see now that I haven't really…listened to you since…since before Kana…please…"

He opened his eyes, gazing at the snake's ethereal face, the serene image. The man's skin was smooth, like ice, as well as pale. His eyes traveled down to the silver-haired man's hands, his sewn wrists, and a sob caught in his throat. The thin sutures seemed so out of place against the pale flesh of Ayame's wrists, like a raven against ashes, so out of place… He was beautiful in every sense of the word, it suddenly occurred to Hatori.

He leaned down next to Ayame, his lips slightly brushing the snake's ear. "Ayame…I can't live without you… I  _can't_  lose you… _please_ …  _I need you, Ayame_ …"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:**  Well, what a revelation. But still, Shigure manages to keep his secret for another chapter. Ayame's weakening; will he have the will to live? And Yuki…has his feelings for Ayame changed? And Hatori…what will happen? Keep reading… And thanks again to all my wonderful reviewers!
> 
> _**To My Most Wonderful Reviewers:** _
> 
> Amai Uryou-  _Fine! Stop poking me! I updated for you! Seesh! Heh...hey Usagi-chan, thanks for reading and reviewing._
> 
> FireChibi-  _Yes, I know I'm mean. Oh well. But, again, I do agree: poor Aaya-chan-sama! Please keep reading and reviewing! It really makes my day!_
> 
> dimonyo-anghel-  _I must know, why poor Shigure? But yes, Hatori does have a fine, yet stupid, ass, doesn't he? Heh... Thanks for the review! Keep reading, it gets better..._
> 
> Zukinn Chan-  _Wow... Thanks for a really flattering compliment! I hope you like the surprise in store... It's about to get a lot more dark and twisted... Enjoy!_
> 
> Mist's Child-  _Hmm...fresh meat... Kidding! Hey, thanks for the review! And I hope you're liking the story so far..._
> 
> All of you; thank you soo much! And please, keep  **reading**  and  ** _reviewing_**!


	4. Tsumaranai

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **A/N:**  Welcome back! This is chapter 4. I congratulate you on getting this far. Ayame still hasn't woken up; will he ever? And what of Hatori's confession? And Shigure's secret? And Yuki's attitude adjustment? Read on…  In case you're curious, "Tsumaranai" means "Worthless". It's still depressing. Sorry.
> 
>  **Disclaimer:**  I don't own  _Fruits Basket_ , and I'm not making any money off this, either.

"Haa-san…it's been nearly two days and he still hasn't woken up yet!"

Hatori ran a hand through his midnight hair. "I know that Shigure, but there's nothing I can do; it's up to him whether or not he wakes up… It's out of my hands."

Yuki shook his head. "Then why won't he?"

"I don't know…"

The rat looked away towards the window as Shigure massaged his temples. Hatori hadn't moved from his vigil in almost twenty hours, his emerald eyes hardly leaving the pale snake's face. Shigure was beginning to worry about the dragon's health.  _So…he finally pays attention to Aaya… Pity it's too little, too late… Oh Aaya…_

A soft groan alerted Hatori to a change and his eyes snapped back to Ayame's face, narrowing, hoping, wishing, and praying. Shigure's eyes widened, his heart stopping as Yuki held his breath. Another groan, slightly louder this time, forced its way from the snake's throat. Hatori smoothed back the silver bangs from Ayame's forehead as his golden eyes slid half open for the first time in nearly two days.

Relief flooded through the dragon and the other juunishi. Hatori smiled, tears gathering at the corners of his eyes. "Welcome back Ayame…good morning."

Ayame groaned again. "T-Tori…san…?"

The dragon nodded. "Yes. How do you feel?"

"Hurt…my hands…"

Suddenly Ayame sat bolt upright, golden eyes wide, terrified. "Ayame!" yelped Hatori. "Lay back  _down_!" Ayame was panting now, eyes glazed; he seemed lost. The dragon gently forced him to lie back on the mattress.

"Wha-what happened…!"

Shigure snorted. "Don't you remember, idiot snake?" he asked with a slight amount of humor and fondness before turning dead serious. "Remember? You slit your wrists." Ayame swallowed. "What the  _hell_  were you thinking Aaya? You could have  _died_!"

The snake looked away, towards the window, the memories of two days before returning. "Isn't that the entire point of slitting your wrists?" he asked softly. Hatori frowned and Yuki watched worriedly.

"Nii-san…why…?"

A half-choked laugh, or sob, left the snake's mouth. "Why," he echoed. " _Why?_  You actually have to  _ask_  why!" Tears were starting to leak from the corners of the broken golden suns and Hatori's emerald eyes were wide and confused; Shigure just watched, his heart breaking for his friend. "Don't you  _know_!"

Yuki's eyes were wide, alarmed, as he stared at his brother. "N-Nii-san…!"

"No…don't bother," muttered Ayame, far more drained than when he'd been in the snow. "Just leave me…just leave like you always want to… I'm not in the mood to talk." A bitter smile curled his pale lips. "Must be your dream come true, eh? Me not wanting to talk to you…"

Yuki swallowed. "Nii-san…that's not true!"

Ayame just sighed, rolling onto his side, facing away from the other juunishi. "Just leave me alone…please…"

"Ayame…"

"No," sighed Shigure. "He's right. We'd best leave…we'll come back later." He glanced at the snake's back, his eyes narrowing dangerously, his voice stern and severe when he spoke next. "Aaya, I swear, if you try  _anything_  else before talking to me…I'll make the rest of your life a living hell."

There was a soft chuckle on the snake's part. "Too late…it already is, Gure-san…but thank you for the sentiment."

Shigure snorted. He ushered the rest out of the small room and sighed, leaning tiredly against the wall, shutting the door behind him. "Dammit Aaya…you've let yourself fall so much further than before," he muttered under his breath.

"Shigure?"

The dog looked up, his eyes wide as he realized they'd heard him. He swallowed. Hatori's emerald eyes were narrowed and sharp while Yuki's were curious and confused. "What?"

"Shigure," started Hatori, taking a step closer to the dog. "What are you talking about? What do mean 'further than before'?" Shigure looked away, guilty. "Answer me Shigure!"

"No, Haa-san. I already told you; I can't."

The dragon's hand clinched. "Gods be damned Shigure!" he hissed. "I'm sick of your crap! To hell with your promise!  _Tell me what's going on!_ "

Shigure closed his eyes, his face pained and drawn. "Please Haa-san," he muttered. "It would kill him if I told you."

Hatori snorted. "That's a bit moot. He's doing a good enough job of killing himself. Now,  _what is it_?"

Yuki watched as the two friends argued, his eyes sad.  _Nii-san…_

"I'm not going to tell you Haa-san, so stop it!" growled Shigure. Hatori looked as though he wanted nothing more than to strangle the dog, but somehow he reined in his temper.

" _Fine_ ," snarled the dragon. "I'll see you at the funeral then…"

Shigure and Yuki watched silently as Hatori stormed off. Shigure sighed as he heard a door slam somewhere in the house. "This has gone too far…"

The rat glanced over. "Shigure, why won't you tell him what he wants? After all…it could help him to help Nii-san…"

Chocolate eyes narrowed. "Since when do you care what happens to Aaya?"

Yuki frowned. "He  _is_  my brother Shigure," he muttered. "I care…it's just hard for me to admit that…"

"I suppose. Either way, I can't tell him; Aaya trusted me, and it's in my nature to defend trust…to be loyal… It can't be helped."

"So you'd let your friend  _kill_  himself if  _that_  was in his nature?" retorted the rat caustically.

"Of course not!"

Yuki snorted. "Your persuasion skills really  _do_  suck, Shigure…"

 

* * *

 

The room was dark, dead feeling, as Shigure closed the door behind him and focused his chocolate eyes on the snake's curled form. The room permeated of silence and hopelessness; Shigure shuddered. This scene was all too familiar for him and had hoped he'd never be visiting it again.

"Why are you here?"

The dog sighed. "Aaya, why are you doing this to yourself? At least last time you  _wanted_  to stop—"

"I do," whispered Ayame quietly, cutting off Shigure's sentence. "I do want to stop…just not the same thing as last time…"

The dog growled lightly. " _Your_   _own_   _life_  is  _not_  the best of things you could try to stop Aaya."

"But it's the most appropriate Gure-san; after all, it's only worthless," was the snake's void reply. Ayame still hadn't turned to face the dog, as he gazed at the pulled blinds, knees to his chest and arms around them, his silver hair glinting in the dim light of the dreary room.

Shigure's eyes widened at the statement, at the absolute hopelessness and despair in it. " _That's not true Aaya!_ " The snake didn't turn, or show any sign that he'd heard. "You are  _not_  worthless! What would even make you  _think_  that?"

"Gure-san, as I said: don't bother." Ayame finally turned around, his eyes nearly black inside…so familiar… "I'm worthless; I know I am. What have I ever done for anyone, other than leech off them to satisfy my own desires?"

Shigure opened his mouth, struggling to find the words, the lexis to explain, to convince the snake of his worth. Nothing came… The dog just stared. Those eyes…so familiar, the darkness in them… He knew that darkness…he  _knew_  it… "Akito."

Ayame's impassive face didn't change, only the muted gold eyes showed that he'd heard as a shudder went through what was left of them. Shigure growled under his breath. "You've seen Akito…haven't you?  _Haven't you?_ "

Ayame looked back at the window, silent; Shigure wanted to strangle the patriarch for what he'd done to his friend. "What ever Akito said, Aaya,  _it's not true!_  Don't listen to him! He doesn't know anything about you!"

A dark chuckle forced its way from Ayame's raw throat. "Oh but I believe he does, Gure-san…perhaps even better than you do."

The dog frowned angrily. "That's impossible Aaya," he muttered. "Akito doesn't know  _anything_  about you but your name!"

"And my juunishi animal." Shigure merely glowered at the snake's back.

"That's beside the point Aaya—"

"Not really. We  _were_  talking about what Akito knows of me…"

Shigure was nearly stretched to his limit. His fists were clinched, his nails digging into the soft flesh of his palms. " _He knows nothing Aaya!_ "

"He knows about the gamma butyrolactone…"

Shigure fell silent, his eyes wide. "How…?"

Ayame shrugged a shoulder listlessly. "I don't know…but he knows…he  _knows_ …"

"And he's blackmailing you?"

"No." Ayame shivered lightly. "But he knows…and what he knows, he tells…"

The dog's eyes darkened as they narrowed dangerously to slits. "Aaya, he won't tell…I'll see to that…"

"It doesn't matter," muttered Ayame, glancing to side, giving Shigure the profile of his pale and sunken face. "I'm not worth getting hurt by Akito over… I'm not worth defending…at the cost you'd have to pay…"

"Stop it Aaya!" hissed Shigure. "You  _are_  worth it!" He swallowed, face pained and drawn. "I won't let Akito do this! I won't stand by anymore! I won't be forced to watch anymore!"

Ayame's tainted gaze fell to the floor, a humorless smile curling his thin lips. "You were never forced Gure-san… Never…"

The blood drained from the dog's face, pupils no more than pinpoints in a sea of darkening mahogany, his mouth opening and closing again, unable to find a counter, a parry, to the thrust. He failed, the steel of the words piercing his heart.

_"You were never forced…"_

Chocolate eyes turned mutinous, desperately bucking the thought, the chain he'd always thought he'd borne. His jaw clinched, hands fisted at his sides, shaking with an ire he'd never felt so strongly before now. With a swirl of his kimono, the dog left, shutting the door firmly behind him.

 

* * *

 

The air was colder, somehow. Yuki shivered as he wandered throughout Hatori's house once again, eyes focused inward, at a face so much like his own. He could still see those fogged and lost golden eyes staring up at him from the futon as the man woke. He sighed. A bitter wind blew across his face and his heart…

_"Why, Tori? Why…?"_

The rat swallowed, smoothing back his unruly gray hair with a trembling hand. Violet eyes closed and all he could see were a pair of lonely, wondering, and hurt eyes, also so like his own. The silver hair had been shorter, only to the teen's shoulders. He'd been wearing a school uniform then, a dark bluish-black, like the one Yuki himself owned for the same school…

" _Why? They…they don't even look at me anymore…it's like I'm not even there…like I don't exist…"_

Yuki took a shaky breath, trying not to remember but failing miserably. Or perhaps, he wanted to confront the memory he'd never really thought about before…

_Ayame shivered on the stoop, arms around himself. The dragon was next to him, watching him quietly. "What's wrong Ayame?"_

" _Why, Tori? Why…?"_

_Hatori shook his head. "What do you mean why, Ayame," he asked. "What's wrong?"_

_Yuki, clad in the kimono Akito had had made for him for his fourth birthday nine months ago, moved aside the braches of the bush he was hiding in, careful not to alert the two teens. His wide violet eyes were fixed on his brother, the one he always looked up to…though the other boy never knew it._

_A dry sob was Ayame's response. "Why," he asked again. "They…they don't even look at me anymore…it's like I'm not even there…like I don't exist…"_

" _Who?"_

_Yuki chewed his lip, watching the older boy's shoulders shake and shudder with those sobs he tried to hide. "Okaa-san…Otou-san… It's like…they hate me…"_

_Hatori sighed. Yuki could see the dragon's emerald eyes from his angle to the side of the steps; they were worried, pain-filled on his friend's behalf. "Ayame, that's not true. They don't hate you…they just… They have a lot of work right now, what with Yuki—"_

" _Yuki!" hissed the silver-haired teen bitterly. "It's his fault! They never ignored me before he came along…"_

_Yuki's eyes widened, large and confused, hurt at the words. He sniffed, tears at the edges of his wide eyes, his small pale hands tightening their grip on the branches, rustling the leaves softly._

" _Ayame!" Hatori frowned. "This is not Yuki's fault. You know that! Don't blame him for your problems."_

" _But it is… I…I've heard them talking…"_

" _Ayame?"_

" _They… It was late," the teen whispered, voice falling to the softest level Yuki had ever heard the other boy use, not that that boded much as he hardly saw the teen. "I heard them…outside my door—they thought I was asleep." Ayame shook his head, silver hair swaying, hiding his eyes. "I heard them. They hate me. Who wants a snake, they said, the snake's the only useless one. No talent. Weak. Dirty and foul. Besides…we have the rat," he spat. The words nearly choked the teen, that much was obvious as his tears coursed blatantly down his pale skin, golden eyes hurt, lonely. "The Emperor's favorite. We can yet earn the favor of the Jade Emperor… yes, they said. Our dearest, beloved rat will make up for that disgrace of having that creature…"_

_Yuki was crying now, the tears slipping silently down his round cheeks. Hatori's eyes were sad, distant, "Ayame…"_

_Yuki remembered that night… He'd been up late again, after his parents thought him asleep. He'd heard his parents talking outside his Nii-san's door, their faces disgusted and pinched. They'd yelled at him for being up. He'd only wanted to try and play with Ayame…for once, he thought the teen would smile at him…just smile… It would have been enough._

But he never did. Yuki shook his head again, clearing the memories, scattering them like raindrops.  _Enough! Nii-san…he…he got over it! Okaa-san and Otou-san never treated him any worse after I was born! He was just…lying…for attention… That has to be it…_

His heart told him otherwise, traitorously whispering,  _how do you know he wasn't treated better before you were born…?_

Yuki swallowed, continuing. He stopped a moment later, noticing the half-open shoji. He frowned. It was freezing still outside…did they want someone to catch pneumonia? The rat had almost shut the door when he saw the dragon.

Hatori was hunched on his knees in the center of the bare rock garden, hands splayed in the foot-deep snow, forehead nearly touching the small flakes. Tears fell like starlight from the emerald eyes, bursting on the pages beneath him…the photographs. Snow had blown onto the edges of the photo album, dusting the pages, blurring some of the photos.

Yuki could see the pictures, barely, through the distance and the snow. Ayame…smiling at something out of the picture. Ayame…laughing so brightly, his silver hair blowing freely in the wind… Ayame…his wide golden eyes full of life, of love, of happiness…

_Why…? Why Hatori…?_

He was frozen; the harsh wind blew snow in eddies around his bare feet. His violet eyes stared toward the dragon, silently asking the same questions another, so like him, had asked so long ago…

_Why, Tori? Why…? Why him…?_

 

* * *

 

Chocolate eyes were pained, narrowed, and grim, tears glazing their surface as he watched. Yuki was standing so lost in the doorway to the garden, Hatori broken on the ground outside in the frozen snow, surrounded by bitter comfort. Shigure's fists clinched in the sleeves of his crimson kimono. He was watching again, but this time he would do something. He would not stand silently by this time. He would not let this happen.

He turned and disappeared down the hall, kimono swirling around his feet, eyes hard and cold once more. He would be silent no more…

_Akito…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:**  Ah yes…Akito. A new character in this little drama. And Ayame has awoken, but bitter and cold. Yuki…remembers something now, does he? Hatori…can he handle what his friend has become? And Shigure…his secret… Perhaps this chapter raises more questions that it answers… I'm sorry about that. Wait…no I'm not. Heh. Everything will get much clearer (I hope) in the next chapter.
> 
> In case you're wondering, "Okaa-san" means "mother" and "Otou-san" means "father". Poor Aaya. And "juunishi" is the Chinese Zodiac.
> 
> _**To My Most Wonderful Reviewers:** _
> 
> Amai Uryou-  _Heh. Thanks once more Usagi-chan. And you didn't poke me this time! Yay! Hehehe…keep reading! (I know you'll like where this is going…)_
> 
> kishe-  _Okay… I wrote more. Heh. I hope you like it. It was longer this time too! Please keep reading…and reviewing of course!_
> 
> dimonyo-anghel-  _Heh. He hasn't died yet, you know. He lives for yet another chapter. And yes, what a turn around for Yuki-kun… Please keep reading and reviewing!_
> 
> WHPIAR-  _Doesn't everyone? It seems so…but I hope you've enjoyed this little…surprise… Please, keep reading and reviewing!_
> 
> Kanya13666-  _O.o! Thank you! I'm so happy you like it! And admire! YAY! I must be doing something right then! Please, keep reading and reviewing! It's beginning to get interesting…and it's far from over…_
> 
> Black Angel of Destruction-  _Yes, crazy is a good word for it, ne? Now you know what happens next. Please though, keep reading. Judging by your sn, you'll like it._
> 
> ladysnape575-  _Please, stop crying. And thank you for not exploding…it's kind of hard to stick a floor in a washing machine. Not to mention the walls. Heh…well, it was no problem to keep writing. I enjoy it. (As sadistic as this story is…)_
> 
> Zukinn Chan-  _Yes, Tori should have realized it from the beginning. Ah, the darkness begins to rear its ugly head. But this is only the tip of the iceberg. And thank you very much for being patient. Please review ( I'm sure I don't need to ask you to read…)_
> 
> SamusKaiba: TheNeglected-  _Well…I suppose I don't need to answer the question now, do I? But I suppose… Now. And, please keep reviewing! ( And reading of course…)_
> 
> Well, thank you all sooo much! Also, I should warn you now, I do not have any of the other chapters completed…or even started for that matter. It will possibly be a long wait, but I  _will_  complete this story. Just have a little patience like Zuki-chan.
> 
> It will be finished, like all things, in time.


	5. Omoi Ryoushin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **A/N:**  Sorry for the long wait. Here's chapter 5. Will someone ever put Yuki in his place about Ayame? And what does Akito have to do with everything? What does Shigure know about this entire mess? And Hatori… Well, you'll just have to keep reading.  In case you're curious, "Omoi Ryoushin" means "Heavy Conscience".
> 
>  **Disclaimer:**  I don't own  _Fruits Basket_ , and I'm not making any money off this, either.
> 
>  **Additional Notes:**  Now, I do have something to say here: Akito is  _MALE_  in this story. I  _do_  know about the gender spoiler for Akito, but I prefer Akito as  _male_ —don't ask me why. I just do.

"Hatori…"

The name was whispered; no one heard it but the wind. Yuki could feel his breathing constrict at the sight of the shattered dragon. His feet were cold, but he pushed that aside and stepped off the engawa, the shoji abandoned, into the fiery cold of the snow. "Hatori…"

The dragon stiffened, freezing, small sobs escaping his chapped lips. He sat back, a shaking hand covering his eyes. Yuki took a step toward the dragon hesitantly. "Hatori…?" A shaking breath on the dragon's part. "Hatori…are you all right?"

"No…"

The reply was soft, but sincere, and Yuki couldn't help but go closer. "What…what's wrong?"

"Such questions," muttered Hatori, sliding his hand across his face to fall to the snow again, his emerald eyes closed. "What  _isn't_ wrongwould probably easier to answer…"

Yuki didn't answer. "It's…Nii-san, isn't it?"

"Of course," was the whispered answer. "Isn't italways… He seems to have the most problems of any of us sometimes…so many insecurities…"

"Insecurities?"

Hatori sighed, bracing his hand on his knee as he got to his feet slowly. "Yes, well, I'll explain—if I must—inside…"

It was a silent walk back to the house, all the more silent as they passed the kitchen. Yuki could almost see Hatori stiffen and the dragon's breaths come in short bursts as they passed the room—he didn't understand why, but he knew he would find out everything soon enough…

Before long they were sitting side by side on the bed in Hatori's guest room. The dragon was still as he stared at the wall, gathering his thoughts. Yuki didn't say anything, knowing the other man would speak when he was ready. After a few minutes had passed, Hatori took a deep breath, bracing himself for the painful memories.

"Ayame…Ayame has always been the quiet one," he said softly. "Perhaps not in voice level; he's quiet about the way he really feels."

Yuki frowned. "He's always saying how happy he is, though…"

"That's just what he says to divert attention from his problems." Yuki looked at the dragon; Hatori was looking down at his hands, folded in his lap, staring at them as though they held all the answers. "I suppose he thinks that if he makes others forget that he has problems, they will cease to exist. He gives himself that false comfort."

"Why," asked Yuki. "Is his life really that hard?"

Hatori let out a dry laugh. "He runs his own business at the age of twenty-seven Yuki. On top of being possessed by the spirit of the Snake and the fact that his thermostat can't go below seventy degrees or any higher than ninety." The dragon smiled fondly. "As well as having a female assistant."

Yuki looked away, an unknown or forgotten feeling stirring in the pit of his stomach. He sighed. "I still…why? Why wasn't he there when I was little…when I need a big brother more than anything…"

Silence. Hatori's eyes were troubled, uncertain and hesitant. "Yuki…you must understand," he said quietly. "Ayame…your parents—"

"They hated him," whispered the rat softly. Hatori froze, eyes widening slightly. "Right?"

Hatori swallowed and looked away. "I suppose…the Snake is not the most… _favored_ …of the juunishi… Ayame," he paused, sighing. "Your parents didn't relish the idea of being the parents of such a disliked member of the family. When you happened along…they were ecstatic."

"Why?"

The dragon gave Yuki a long unfathomable look. "Because you are the rat," he said simply; Yuki's hands fisted in his lap. "They finally had their ticket to Yu Huang's good side…a chance to sit at his right hand at last. With that, they no longer paid attention to their first child, their failure, no matter what he did."

The rat closed his eyes for a moment—Hatori, however, was not yet finished. "Perhaps, Yuki, that's why he was never there, perhaps at the time he was confused. You must remember that Ayame was younger than you are now when this all happened, that—in his mind—the only way he could think of to get back at his parents was by ignoring you. In his mind, it was your fault they hated him. You were no more than an innocent casualty in that war…"

It seemed that a soft wind blew through the house and Yuki knew that somewhere in Hatori's room, Ayame was curled, staring at nothing, wanting nothing of what he'd been dealt by fate. Not that Yuki could actually blame him.

"So," murmured the rat, sighing. "That's why… I suppose it makes sense…but I don't understand it all…perhaps I never will."

"Then just accept it." Yuki looked up, startled by Hatori's sudden answer. "Is it that hard to accept that Ayame has his own problems, and always has? Really Yuki, you must open your eyes and look past that façade he flaunts to hide his pain…"

Yuki looked away, amethyst eyes thoughtful and uneasy, his finger to his chin.

 

* * *

 

"Akito!" hissed Shigure, as he shut the door behind him, glaring at the thin patriarch's back. Akito stood quietly at the window, leaning on the sill. He turned slowly as Shigure started toward him, a small smirk on his features.

"Ah, Shigure," he said in his soft, empty, slightly amused voice. "You've come to see me? I must say; this is an unexpected surprise…"

"You—" The dog somehow stopped himself, though his eyes remained fixed in a frigid glare. He took a strained breath. "Akito, what have you done?"

The youth didn't respond at first, and when he did, he completely ignored the question. "How is the Snake?" he asked, the smirk growing somewhat.

Shigure stared at the patriarch, unbelieving, denying. For a moment he could see the frightened, pale boy so afraid of his own fate—his destiny—so close to the darker side he brushed death with every breath he drew, trembling and frail.

Yet this same frightened and pale boy had nearly caused his friend, the one he loved to die—however indirect his involvement may have seemed. Shigure's eyes narrowed again. "How could you Akito?"

Akito barely spared Shigure a glance. "Does it matter?" he asked. "You'll get what you want, Dog, in the end—true?"

Shigure growled, eyes flashing. "Akito…"

A thin and dark smirk stretched across the youth's bloodless lips once more. "You love the Snake, do you not?"

The dog faltered, eyes troubled, pained for a moment, before dimming to a reluctant shade. "Yes."

Akito nodded. "Then do the ends not justify the means?

Shigure looked away, fists clinching in his kimono sleeves. Silence reined in the small room as Akito turned back to the window yet again. The darkness was nearly unbearable, even the light from the window couldn't truly piece it as the shadows gathered. The dog stood, nearly defeated, in the center of the floor, broken and forced to watch again.

_"You were never forced…"_

"You can't Akito." Akito seemed to draw himself up, his thin frame rigid as he turned to regard Shigure with narrowed and stormy eyes. "I won't let you. I won't stand by and watch as you ruin Aaya and Haa-san's lives like you've ruined mine!"

Akito raised an eyebrow in curiosity. " _I've_  ruined yours?" he murmured. "That's an interesting thing to say." He moved toward the dog, Shigure stiffening but holding his ground. "As memory serves…I gave you the release you were denied by the Snake."

Shigure eyes narrowed. "It was no  _release_ —it was a rape!"

"Ah," smirked the patriarch. "So rape is consensual now, is it?" His smirk darkened, sending shivers down the dog's spine. Akito reached up, tenderly caressing Shigure's cheek, ignoring the dog's flinch; his lips moved against the dog's neck as he spoke. "My dearest love, it was the farthest thing from rape— _you_  came to  _me_."

Shigure's eyes widened and he jerked back, his breaths coming in gasps. "No," he whispered, voice barely a haunted whisper. " _No…!_ "

Akito just watched as the dog backed away, his arm still outstretched. He watched quietly as Shigure shook his head, eyes still wide. He smiled softly with a feeling like black velvet. He pushed up against the dog's chest, twining his fingers in the fabric of the kimono. "The truth hurts…doesn't it,  _my_   _love?_ " he whispered silkily.

Shigure shivered and threw the patriarch off him, stumbling back, holding his head, griping his skull. " _No!_  Get off! Stop this Akito!" he yelled hoarsely. "You can't— _don't_   _hurt_   _him!_ "

Akito's silky smile shrank to a frown, his indigo eyes narrowing slightly. "You love the Snake—this is the only way he will ever be yours. Pick your poison—him…or me…"

Shigure was shaking now, tears spilling down his paled cheeks. Chocolate eyes twisting and drowning as he gasped and tried to hang on to some sense of self. "No… I-I won't!  _Him!_  I choose  _him!_ "

Akito froze, eyes unreadable; even had Shigure had the sense to try and read that expressionless face, he would have come up with a blank. "I see," was the youth's only response, though it was cold. "Leave Shigure…"

Shigure was panting, fearing for his lifelong friend, fragile as he was now. He didn't think—he couldn't. He was on Akito before he knew what was happening, wrenching the patriarch around by the wrist. His eyes were wide, fear and anger in their depths now. "If you hurt him—I  _swear_ , I won't stand by… I  _won't_  let you hurt him!"

Akito's eyes were slits now. "Release me,  _Dog_."

"Not until you promise!" cried Shigure, the tears in his eyes nearly glowing in the dim and dusty light of the room.

The youth's face twisted in rage. He lashed out, striking the dog in the face. Shigure stumbled back for the second time, clutching his face. "Dare defy me?" hissed Akito lowly. "I'm the  _only_  thing you have left, Dog. Or have you forgotten that?" Shigure was left, sobbing, his legs having betrayed him and dropped him to the hardwood floor, as Akito quietly left, shutting the door behind him.

_Aaya! What have I done! What have I done…_

 

* * *

 

The blinds were still pulled, the room still dim, when Hatori entered. Ayame, however, had moved. He was standing now, shifting through the books on the only bookshelf in the room. He was reading some romance or another, scanning the pages languidly, a bored yet annoyed expression on his pallid face.

"Ayame?"

The snake didn't look up. "How can you read this Tori-san?" he asked suddenly. "It's all a lie. None of it is true… It's too easy. Nothing is ever easy. Nothing ever turns out right in the end.  _Nothing_ …not love—especially not love! But here…it's too easy Tori-san… How can you read this after all that's happened? All that you  _know_  will happen? I don't understand it."

Hatori frowned. "Ayame? What are you talking about? You should be resting…"

"I  _hate_  these…I can't  _stand_  them!" hissed Ayame, slamming the book shut.

The dragon blinked as Ayame glared down at the book. "But Ayame, you loved that book…you loved it so much you bought a copy for me."

There was a snort from the snake. "I hate it. I was too naïve then to realize…"

Ayame trailed off, swallowing. Hatori shook his head. "Realize what Ayame? Please, if you won't listen to me as a doctor, at least listen to me as a friend and—"

" _Nothing ever turns out right!_ "

There was a crash and the sound of breaking glass and pottery and the room was plunged into darkness, only Ayame's panting to break the dead silence that came with it. Hatori's eyes were wide as he stared out into the dark room.

"Ayame? A-are you all right?" he asked quietly.

No answer, save for a tired sigh.

He swallowed and hesitantly flipped on the light switch. Light filled the room again and Hatori surveyed the damage. The lamp that had been sitting on the desk was shattered, it's porcelain base in a myriad of shards on the floor. Ayame was standing still, hand over his eyes, bangs hiding any expression there may have been on that tired, pale face.

"Ayame…"

"I'm sorry Tori-san," he whispered. "I…I'm sorry…"

The jagged pieces glittered in the false light as Hatori bent and began to gather them in his hand. "Why? I never liked that lamp anyway, but why did you do that Ayame?" His eyes were narrowed as he looked at the pieces in his hand. "What's wrong with you lately?"

Ayame didn't answer at first, and the dragon was afraid he wouldn't at all. "I… It's not fair Tori-san," he finally mumbled softly. "That…that life isn't like those books… And now I know—it never will be. I can't hide in those books any more… But I can't face the truth either…"

Hatori frowned, straightening. "What do you mean? Hide? What truth can't you face Ayame?" he asked, eyes boring holes into the snake. "Please, tell me! I want to help!"

A bitter smile curled Ayame's lips as he shook his head, his silver hair almost flashing in the light. "There's nothing you can do Tori-san."

The light seemed to dim and it hurt Hatori; he truly wanted to help. He hated to see Ayame like this. " _Please_ ," he pleased, taking the other man by the shoulders, shaking him slightly. "Let me help you!"

Ayame sighed, looking away, eyes vacant and lightless. "I'm sorry…there's nothing you can do. It can't be changed."

" _What can't be changed?_ " growled Hatori. " _Tell me!_ " Ayame turned toward the drawn blinds, looking at them as though he was seeing past them, through them. "Ayame,  _please_ ; I'm trying to  _help_  you, but I can't do that if you don't tell me what's wrong!"

The snake made no move to turn around, there was none of the familiar laughter and brightness Hatori always associated with Ayame. All that was left, was this walking ghost, this shadow of what the snake had once been—he was Ayame only in appearance. Hatori couldn't bare this much longer.  _What happened to him? He's never—what happened?_

"Ayame…this isn't you."

There was a bitter chuckle. "Yes, Tori-san, this is."

"You've never been like this— _this isn't you!_ "

Ayame glanced back over his shoulder. "You've never really known me, Tori-san…but I'm tired of that mask—I'm tired of the lies…"

" _What lies?_ " He was loosing this battle, he knew, but he couldn't give up. "Ayame,  _tell me what's wrong!_ "

Golden eyes closed. "Nothing new," he muttered. "Please, leave me—I want to be alone."

"Ayame—"

"Please," whispered the snake. "Just go…"

Hatori sighed, frustrated. He knew if he stayed, things would only worsen and Ayame would only pull farther away. Things were on a high wire now and he had to watch his step—it wouldn't do to loose his temper now. "Fine. I'll leave for now Ayame, but I want to tell me what going on. I'll give till tomorrow to do it on your own."

Ayame didn't answer or respond, but Hatori didn't particularly care if he had at the moment. The dragon left, shutting the door behind him and heading down the darkening hall. This was becoming far too much for him to take and he had to get out, get away from this. That man wasn't his friend. He couldn't be.

_Ayame, where are you?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:**  Wow. That was a long wait. Was it worth it? I hope so. Now, things have gotten a  _lot_  more twisted, haven't they? Yuki seems to have finally been put in his place and Hatori seems to be trying to get to the bottom of this mess. And Shigure...was Akito lying? Or was Shigure? Is he truly in love with Ayame? Or is it another trick to manipulate Akito? Wow…even  _more_  questions… Fun.
> 
> Oh, that reminds me; "Yu Huang" means "Jade Emperor"
> 
>  __  
>  **To My Most Wonderful Reviewers:**  
>  Moroi Mikomi-  _There, I wrote my heart out! I hope you liked this chapter!_
> 
> Kanya13666-  _Sorry to make you cry… I hope you liked this chapter, though it may have made you cry a little more… Please, keep reading and reviewing!_
> 
> Ladysnape575-  _Well…I could, but that would take forever! Anyway, thanks for reviewing, and thanks for the compliment! I hope you keep reading!_
> 
> kashuneko-  _Thanks! What a wonderful compliment! I'm really glad I've changed your mind a bit and I really glad you liked this one! Please, keep reading and reviewing!_
> 
> WHPIAR-  _WOW… THANK YOU SO MUCH! Detailed? Really? Try telling that to my old fourth grade English teacher… Heh… Oh well. Thank you so much! Please, keep reading and reviewing! I know you'll like the rest of it…_
> 
> dimonyo-anghel-  _… Well. Yes, I do feel sorry for Akito sometimes too. But that just makes him a better target for my stories… And Hatori doesn't catch pneumonia; just so know. And yes, Ayame is a little blind. Keep reading!_
> 
> Zukinn Chan-  _Hahaha…yes! Drama, drama, drama! I love drama (if you haven't noticed already). In any case, I had a feeling his mother wouldn't have liked him so I thought I'd go with that. Thanks for another helpfully nice review! Keep on reading!_
> 
> SamusKaiba:TheNeglected-  _Obviously, I'm weird as well since I'm writing it! Don't be ashamed of the weirdness! Okay…sorry…too much sugar. Anyway, I know you'll like the rest… It just keeps getting darker. Thanks for the review!_
> 
> vampirgurl-  _You are excused. Yes, poor everyone. I'm evil like that. But thanks for the review! Keep reading…_
> 
> Mist's Child- _Hehe…yes, it is sad, isn't it? Thanks for the review!_
> 
> Kastuy-  _Are you by any chance…Katsy? In any case, I wish I were born in the year of the Snake! Oh well… Thanks for the review!_
> 
> kishe-  _No offense…but is that all you say? But sure, I'll write more! I love to write anyway! And please, keep reading and reviewing!_
> 
> Solo Shadow-  _Hmm…thanks for the compliment! But really, this story isn't really about Ayame and Yuki's relationship…in fact—I hate Yuki. Don't ask me why, but I do. No wait, I'll say it anyway—he's got a friggin' stick up his ass! But I suppose he's not as bad as I think…I suppose I could give him a second chance… You were right about the other one though; it is about the relationship between the Trio, particularly Ayame. But please, keep reading!_
> 
> Thanks to EVERYONE who reviewed...my computer's screwing up, or I'd put up the replies to ALL of you, but I can't, so I'll put them at the end of the NEXT chapter... Thank you so much, and please keep reading and reviewing!


	6. Kotae no Naka ni Aisu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **A/N:**  Another chapter closer to the end! Let's celebrate! Just kidding… There are at least two more chapters, if not three or four left in this story. But please, keep reading!  In case you're curious, "Kotae no Naka ni Aisu" means "Answers in Ice".  And again, Akito is  ** _male_**.
> 
>  **Disclaimer:**  I don't own  _Fruits Basket_ , and I'm not making any money off this either

_This isn't working…he's too close… The Snake's stupid infatuation… He'll never win him away from the Dragon on his own… Never… And I will not lose him…_

 

* * *

 

"Hatori-san…"

The dragon turned to see an older woman, her graying hair held in a tight, stern bun at the nape of her neck. Her watery blue eyes met his with an unbreakable roughness. "Yes?"

She seemed to draw herself up. "Akito-sama wishes you to see him. You must hurry and not keep him waiting."

Hatori nodded. "Of course not," he sighed, weary from the argument with Ayame. "I'll go now…"

The woman nodded, disappearing down the hall with a stiff and jerking walk. Hatori shook his head, glancing toward his room once more before sighing again. His footsteps echoed in the dead, stale air of the compound hallways, no light to guide him as he ventured down the hardly used walk. This was an older section; that Akito would call for him from here…

He shook the thoughts from his head and knocked briskly on the door three times. The dark surrounding him sent shivers down his spine—something was coming…

"Come in."

He shivered, pushing the door open. The room was lit with flickering candles. Sixty in all lined the wall in their tall, five-foot candelabras, each holding three snow-white candles. Akito rested in an old chair; the chair's clawed feet seeming to carve grooves in the old wood floor. Feathered wings were carved behind the patriarch's head, vines twisting in them, twining down to the feet. Jewels, set in the old ebony wood, glittered dimly in the flickering flames, making them look all the more precious and forbidden in the mouths ofmidnight roses.

Akito's face showed no emotion as he looked up at the dragon, the flickering light making him seem all the more pale and insubstantial. "Hatori." The dragon nodded, coming to kneel before the chair, head bowed. "You have not been to see me as of late… I have missed you," murmured the pale youth, motioning for the dragon to move closer. "Tell me," he said, twining his fingers in Hatori's long raven hair as the man came closer on his knees. "What has happened to keep you from my side?"

Hatori swallowed, feeling the long fingers glide through his tresses. "Ayame…Ayame is not well, Akito-san," he whispered haltingly, almost…afraid. "I have been with him, trying to help…"

"And?"

Something told him he shouldn't speak, something in the way Akito asked… But he couldn't disobey. "It hasn't worked…Ayame is not responding."

A smile flickered like dancing dark across Akito's pale lips but it was gone in seconds. "What illness has stricken the dear Snake?"

"He is weak, that is all Akito." The fingers tightened in Hatori's hair and the dragon fought to keep a wince from his face.

"Weak," echoed the patriarch, hating the very feel of the word. "Yes, the Snake is  _weak_ , and always has been. It is the dominant trait for that Spirit. I suppose that makes sense…"

Hatori's hands tightened their grip on his pant legs. He held his tongue, though his mind screamed in protest to defend his friend, the one he—no. He must stay silent.

"So, the Snake is ill. I wonder of the cause… Is it the same as it was then?"

Hatori frowned, not daring to look at those indigo eyes, keeping his head carefully bowed. "What do you mean, Akito?"

Akito blinked in feigned surprise, though Hatori did not see it. "He has not yet told you?" he said, a hint of amusement stirring in that smooth voice. "You do not yet know of it, of that hideous secret that he keeps from you? How unfortunate."

Dark gold flickered in the corner of the dragon's vision. "What secret?" This was tiring, all these secrets. He could feel it, that he was getting closer to the truth, but did he truly want to know?

"Why, my dear Dragon," he said softly. "I cannot tell you. Only two have the right to, for only two truly know."

A tremor passed through Hatori. "Who?"

Akito caressed his cheek possessively. "I believe you already know. But I would ask Shigure—he seems to know far too much for his own good on occasion."

"He'll only deny everything, or brush it aside," the dragon couldn't stop himself from muttering. He froze, praying Akito would refrain from punishment.

"True," agreed the patriarch, startling Hatori. Akito reached down, gently pulling Hatori's hand up and laying it palm-up in his own. "Here," he said, eyes dark and a dark smirk tugging at his lips, as he pressed something cool and smooth into the dragon's palm.

Hatori's fingers curled around it and his eyes widened with a sudden burst of recognition. He looked up at the object and drew in a sharp breath. It was a syringe.

"There is your proof of the matter," whispered Akito into his ear. "Now go and find the answers you seek."

Hatori's wide gaze dropped to the floor. "Yes Akito." The hand removed itself from his raven hair and the dragon got slowly to his feet, bowing himself from the room. Akito's eyes narrowed when the door was shut. A figure emerged from the deep shadows of the room and the patriarch took the hand that was offered him.

Kureno's expressionless face looked down at him. "Akito."

"It has begun," muttered the youth, brushing the rooster aside as he made his way to the window. "Shigure…I will not lose him. Hatori is too close to the Snake—as such, the fool Snake will never see the Dog's love. Shigure will never be mine until he has what he wants at present." Akito's thin fingers curled to a fist. "And I will _not_  lose him."

Kureno did not comment or speak as he stood. Those unfathomable eyes stared at space. He was a walking marionette. Akito turned to him, an ominous smirk on those bloodless lips. "The Snake… I am surprised it worked so well. That he fell so freely and readily for the truth. Worthless creature that he is, I at least thought he would resist longer than this."

Suddenly, Akito's hand flew to his mouth as he doubled over with a hacking cough. Kureno was at his side in seconds, holding him as his body was wracked with coughs, tendrils of pain twining around his throat causing his breaths to come in labored gasps, his indigo eyes were wide—terrified.

Almost as soon as it came on him, it was gone, leaving him panting and sapped in the rooster's loose embrace. He frowned, worried and shaking.

 

* * *

 

" _Akito-san?" Ayame's pale skin nearly glowed in the flickering firelight of the candles. "You called for me?"_

_The patriarch didn't turn from his position by corner candelabra. "Yes," he said softly. "I merely wish to know if you are happy."_

_The snake frowned, unnerved by the emptiness of that voice. "Happy? I'm fine Akito-san… Is that all you wanted to know? Can I leave now?"_

_A bold move, one the youth would not allow under normal circumstances. Akito's face twisted in fury before smoothing again to blank indifference. He turned at last, indigo eyes focused solely on the silhouette of the lithe man at the far end of the room. "Come closer, my pet," he murmured silkily. "Don't hide that pallid, ashen skin from my sight; I am your master, and I forgive you for it."_

_Ayame's frown turned stormy. "My skin is not ashen."_

" _Yes, yes, of course my pet," agreed Akito as though he were speaking to a small child. "You are lovely, I suppose. Lovely, but worthless all the same."_

" _I am not worthless!" Ayame was rigid now, his golden eyes narrowed to dangerous slits as Akito watched with placid amusement. "Now what do you want?"_

" _He does not know, does he?" asked the youth with an off-hand gesture. "The Dragon has not yet noticed, yes?"_

_Gold widened before the walls went up, shielding the truth behind the fool's mask. "Doesn't know what? Hasn't noticed what? Akito-san, what are you talking about?"_

" _You know perfectly well, Snake."_

_Ayame's eyes narrowed in challenge and defiance. "No, Akito. I do not," he answered stiffly, hands fisted at his sides._

_Akito came toward him, noting—with no small satisfaction—that the snake took a hesitant step back. The youth stopped short, looking up into wide, almost frightened, golden eyes. Without so much as a warning, he struck, his nails tearing the alabaster skin of the other man's cheek. Ayame hit his knees, holding his injured cheek, eyes squinting in pain._

" _You're worthless," the patriarch whispered softly, indigo eyes narrowed, malicious. "Why do you think Hatori hasn't noticed yet? Everyone else has, except for him… Perhaps, I think, it is because you are no more than a nuisance, a gnat in his ear that he wants no more than to kill… A worthless insect." Akito chuckled darkly. "A worthless insect…it fits you, Snake. It truly does. What good do you do? None. Even your own brother hates you. You feed off everyone while doing nothing of significance. You're worthless…"_

_Ayame let out a low whimper, his wide eyes downcast and angry. "No…I am not worthless!"_

_Akito snorted softly. "Then why, my dear Snake, has Hatori not once noticed? Not once asked about your scarred arm? Not once questioned your behavior those three years ago? Answer me that Snake."_

_The firelight flickered as a soft breeze floated through a crack somewhere. Ayame couldn't answer. He kneeled there, hand to his face, struggling to find a reason, an excuse._

_He had none._

" _I knew it." Akito knelt, crouching on his haunches, dark eyes narrowed in cruel satisfaction as he roughly grabbed Ayame's chin in his hand, forcing the snake to look directly into those haunting and pitiless eyes. "You knew it too. That's why you have not told him. He doesn't care about you. You are no more than an annoyance to him. A burden. Worthless. He will never notice you. Never see what is so plain, because he doesn't want to. Because he will never love you. You will never even be second best to Kana. Never. You are worthless."_

_Ayame shook his head out of Akito's grasp, glaring, tears coursing down his pale cheeks. "No. I don't…I don't believe you!" The pale youth merely watched him with calculating and cold eyes. "Tori-san has just been busy! Busy taking care of you! This is your fault!"_

" _My dear Snake," whispered the patriarch. "He has made time for Shigure…I have seen them together in the past month more times than I have ever seen him with you in the past three years. Why is that, I wonder?"_

_His tears were falling to the floor, crystal and glittering. Golden eyes were closed, squeezed shut. His body was wracked with pain-filled sobs as he curled, his back arched as he covered his face with spidery hands. "No…Tori-san… It's not true! It's not true! Tori…san…"_

" _Get out," hissed Akito, slapping the snake. Ayame fell back, scrambling toward the door, hand covering his mouth, tears flying from his closed eyes. "Worthless creature…it doesn't deserve his love…it doesn't deserve anyone's love…"_

 

* * *

 

The shadows were long on the floor now as Yuki entered the room. It smelled of loneliness, a smell Yuki remembered all too well and wished that he could forget. Violet eyes fell on the snake. Ayame stood in the shadows of the room, gazing through the window at the starless, moonless night. Golden eyes were fogged, distant and murky—unfathomable.

Yuki swallowed. "N-Nii-san? Are you all right?"

No answer.

"Nii-san, please, I want to help you…just tell me what's wrong. I care about you—I want to help!"

Ayame didn't turn. "So you think you care now?" he murmured coldly.

"What?" Yuki blinked, frowning. "I don't understand—"

"You think you care, Yuki, but you don't." The snake sighed, chuckling bitterly. "As soon as I'm deemed 'all right' again, you'll go back to your life and I'll go back to the ashes of mine. Nothing will change except that I'll be known as the fool who nearly killed himself."

"Nii-san! That's not true!"

Ayame turned, silver hair framing his face as his narrowed eyes studied the rat. "Really?" he questioned quietly. "I think it is. Think Yuki; will it really be any different? Will my attempting suicide really make you spend more time near me? Try to understand me? No. It won't change anything."

The rat didn't say anything, his eyes wide, pained. It was the truth—horribly naked and bare, the false hope and optimism stripped. Nothing would really change. Ayame was still annoying and a burden in his eyes—none of this really seemed real. It was forced. "I'm sorry Nii-san."

Ayame cocked his head. "What for?"

It was amoment before Yuki could answer. "That…that you feel so slighted. But we all do—we've all been hurt."

Ayame sighed, shaking his head. "You don't understand…but how could you? You don't know me…"

"I would if you'd just tell me!"

Silver swayed as Ayame turned to the wall, leaning his forehead against it, laughing dryly, bitterly. "Tell you? It's not so simple…"

"It can be," muttered Yuki. "You just seem to want to make everything so complicated…"

"Complicated," murmured the snake, a grim smile on his thin lips. "Interesting way of naming a mask. But it fits; I suppose—yes, complicated fits. You want me to tell you? Fine—I will. Pain. Constant and unending agony. Wearing a mask, fearing that if it slips…I'll lose everything. That's my life—everyday. And I'm sick of it."

Yuki could only stare—he'd never really known. "Nii-san…why?"

"Simple." Ayame's thin hands fisted against the wall by his head, his eyes saddened and lonely. "I don't want to loose the one thing in my life…that I ever truly loved." A flash of pain flitted across the rat's face but Ayame didn't see. "I…couldn't live if I lost it…but it doesn't matter anymore. I can't take this worthless life anymore…I won't burden everyone—I won't stay and let the friendship slip to hatred…"

"Nii-san," whispered Yuki softly. "You can't—Shigure and Hatori…they need you here!"

"No one needs me Yuki," was the empty reply. "What good have I  _ever_  done? I fail at everything I try to do—you being the best example of that—and then everyone else suffers for it…"

"Hypocrite," hissed the rat. Ayame looked back, startled. "You think it isn't like that for all of us? It is! I know what it feels like to fail! I know what it's like to feel utterly worthless—like I don't mean shit—but that doesn't mean you can just give up!"

Ayame glanced away. "How would you understand—the Rat could never understand."

"Don't say that!" growled Yuki, eyes narrowed to slits. "Everyone says that—they don't have a  _clue_  what it means to be the Rat!"

"And you don't have a clue what it means to be me," countered the snake, going to the teen. He grabbed the boy's hands, his own hands ice cold and shaking. "Do you want to know? It's ice—winter year-round for me. I'm always freezing, no matter how warm or happy I am—it's always cold." Golden eyes were piercing as they held violet in their depths. "I can't stand the cold any more; I've been cold for too long. It's  _killing_  me…"

Yuki swallowed. Ayame let go of his hands and sighed, straightening. He brushed past the teen, heading toward the door, his kimono dragging along the floorboards. The rat's eyes followed him. "Where are you going?"

"I can't stand to be cooped up all day…I'm taking a walk—I won't leave the house so tell Tori-san not to worry...if he cares at all."

With that, Yuki was left alone in the dark room, staring at the window and the empty stars and hopes. Optimism was dead, plummeting like a falling star, the moon hiding her face from the truth—all was black and something would soon break—and he dreaded that moment.

 

* * *

 

Firelight flickered across his face as it twisted and contorted to a portentous smirk that flowed from his thin lips to stop short at his indigo eyes. Akito played teasingly with a strand of Kureno's russet hair. The rooster just lay there next to him, eyes closed like a contented cat.

"My dear Kureno," whispered the youth. "I have a favor to ask of you…"

The rooster looked up, his soft coffee eyes curious and somewhat anxious, though none of that showed on his face and remained contained to his eyes.

Akito caressed his cheek. "The Dragon is coming too close…he must be… _removed_ …though I do not relish the idea of losing him."

"Akito…"

"Do it tonight," commanded the patriarch, sighing, "After he has learned of his betrayal of the Snake. Give him that last pain before his release…"

Kureno shivered, his coffee eyes sliding closed again. "As you wish, Akito…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:**  Interesting…what is our dear Akito up to? What secrets does Ayame hide? And Hatori… Ayame's will is slipping—will he attempt suicide again? He's on the brink and teetering on the edge; can anyone or anything save him? You'll just have to read to find out…
> 
> _**To My Most Wonderful Reviewers:**_
> 
> SamusKaiba:TheNeglected-  _Heh. Sorry about that. I had to write the chapter first! Anyway…thanks. Being called angsty is a compliment to me! Thanks and keep reading!_
> 
> Different Child-  _Yes, Yuki did need to hear that. And yes, it's a Catch-22 with Akito and Shigure. I'm worried about Ayame…and I wrotethe damn thing! Heh. Thanks and please, keep reading and reviewing!_
> 
> Zukinn Chan-  _Nice to know we share a lot of the same views! In any case, thank you so much for the wonderful compliment! I love reading your reviews—they're always so helpful and motivating! And Yuki always seeing Ayame as perpetually bright does get annoying, doesn't it? And yes, Shigure and Akito are confusing! Heh. Thanks, and please keep reviewing!_
> 
> FireChibi-  _THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!_   _A wonderful compliment! I'm so happy! And yes, normally, it seems all it takes to make the snake happy again is two words from Shigure—not here! Please, keep reading and reviewing!_
> 
> Child of the Dark Wood-  _I hope you got out of the rough patch… And thank you so much for the roses—how'd you know black was my favorite color? Heh. They are currently sitting on my computer desk! Right next to my soapbox. And you changed your penname! Didn't it use to be Kanya13666? Heh. Thanks! Please, keep reading! (Finally, someone else who doesn't worship Prince Stick-up-his-ass!) But yea, I think I may have fixed the computer problem… Anyways, please, keep reading and reviewing!_
> 
> HokutoSumeragi-  _There ya go! Continued for you! And thanks for the review! Please, keep reading! All I ask for are reviews!_
> 
> silverdragon87-  _Thanks! And to think my teachers always yelled at me for not having enough detail… I find that ironically funny. And thanks for the review—I hope to hear from you again!_
> 
> WHPIAR-  _Hehe…thanks! Likewise, I always get giggly when I get a good review—like yours—or am mentioned (though I've only been mentioned twice). And yea, there probably won't be any more characters (Kureno won't be in it too much…) and I like it that way. Too many characters are too confusing! And thank you so much! Please, keep reading and reviewing!_
> 
> bozzo-  _… Wow. You're welcome, but it was really my pleasure! And thanks for the compliment about Shigure—keep reading, you'll like it! (I hope...)_
> 
> lazy fat kitsune-  _Ah, I'm afraid I can't do that. Haven't you heard "it always gets worse before it gets better"? Same applies here. But please, keep reading!_
> 
> feather fairy-  _Oh dear. I hope the suspense doesn't kill you—that'd be bad! But here's the next chapter for you and I hope you enjoy it! And yes, I prefer to show this side of Ayame, as not many others do. It's what the anime was missing._
> 
> Lurel-  _Heh. You've been reading a lot of my fics lately. I hope you enjoy them. I recommend "Though The Photographs May Fade", personally one of my favorites—as well as "Suzaku's Fire", which will eventually get angstier. And thank you so much for reading my stories and reviewing! Keep it up!_
> 
> Thanks to  _everyone_  who reviewed! The story's getting nearer to a close, though hopefully no one's figured out  _everything_  yet—that'd ruin all the fun! But yea, again, it will be a while for the next chapter—thanks for being so patient.


	7. Itamashii no Tamashii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **A/N:**  Wow…thank you so much for all the reviews! Hmm... Interesting... No one's noticed the rating change. It's gone from "Angst/Drama" to "Angst/Tragedy". And sadly, only a few more chapters left…and it's really a very surprising ending…
> 
>  **Disclaimer:**  I don't own  _Fruits Basket_ , and I'm not making any money off this either
> 
>  **Additional Notes:**  Well, in case you're curious, "Itamashii no Tamashii" means "Tragic Soul". And again, Akito is  ** _male_**. And now, on with the story!

The dragon strode down the halls, emerald jewels narrowed and piercing as they searched for hide or hair of the dog, the syringe clutched tightly in his hand. He dared not confront Ayame on the matter; he knew the snake would only deny it, or worse, stay silent. Hatori couldn't handle the silence.

It was near midnight, a moonless night, but still Hatori wandered the halls—searching. The night was black, secrets hidden in their hold, and Hatori shivered. He nearly stumbled once, but took no notice. He felt as though he was rushing through a curtain, velvety black and rippling, wrapping tightly around him—too tightly. He was suffocating. He had to know—it was eating away at him and terrifying him all at once.

A bird called in the night—probably an owl—and he swallowed. He was passing close to the open garden on the engawa, the beams holding the snow-laden roof above him, when suddenly in a flourish of ash black and ebony, it landed on the banister a few feet ahead of him. He froze, his eyes wide and staring.

It was a crow, large and soot black—so black it nearly blended with the night around them. The bird cocked it's head curiously, as though it could sense that something beyond it was happening; it's beetle-black eyes were sharp as it stared directly back at the dragon. It hopped forward and Hatori took a step back.

_Ayame… No! It's just a suspicion! It's not true! There's no such thing as omens! No such things!_

The crow croaked, its ash colored beak snapping lightly as he did. Hatori shivered. "Go away!" he hissed. The bird merely hopped closer. The dragon's eyes met the bird's, his vision went red in a flash, and he turned, running through the nearest door.

_There's no such thing… Omens are nothing more than myths! Not a shred of truth!_

He leaned against the wall, catching his breath. He wasn't sure how far he'd run, but he knew he was well away from the bird. The way it had looked at him... He shivered and shook his head to clear away the memory.  _Shigure...I must find Shigure. He knows what's going on and he's the only who'll tell me—I'll make him tell me..._

He wandered aimlessly, looking in doors of shadows and rooms of black for any sign of the dog. The sun was bleeding the horizon when he finally found Shigure, alone and curled in a corner at the east end of the compound, his face hid in his arms, shivering. Hatori frowned, his eyes hard and cold, tired of the lies, of the secrets.

"Shigure."

The dog's head snapped up to stare at the emerald jewels glittering in the dying night. "Hatori," he muttered, looking away. But Hatori had seen the long red scratches on the side of the dog's face, the dried blood crusting the sides.

"What happened Shigure?"

"I made him angry," whispered Shigure softly, his fingers lightly touching the marks. "ButI deserved it—I was rude to him."

Hatori shrugged—he didn't really care at the moment. "What happened to Ayame?"

He could see Shigure go silent and seal closed. "He slit his wrists… You were there, Haa-san, you should know." The dog's voice was tainted with accusations. Hatori's eyes narrowed.

"Not that. This—" The dragon held out the syringe, it's surface misted from his grip, the old glass cracked. He could see a flicker go through Shigure's face, some hidden fear, but it was gone as though it had never been. "What is this?"

"A syringe," was the only answer he was offered.

A certain anger was welling Hatori's stomach; his eyes flashed. "Look, I'm sick of this Shigure. I just want to know what's going on—I seem to be the only one who doesn't know. Please, just tell me!"

"I don't know what you want me to say!"

" _Why did Akito say this was Ayame's?_ " growled Hatori, grabbing the dog's kimono-front, pulling him closer so their faces were inches apart.

Shigure looked away, his eyes closed and his face pained. "Haa-san…"

" _Tell me!_ "

" _Fine!_ " Hatori blinked, releasing his hold on the fabric. "It's a syringe… _the_  syringe Aaya used three years ago…"

"For what?" pressed the dragon, shaking the dog's shoulders slightly, "What happened?"

The dog shivered, a tear slipping down from his closed chocolate eyes. "It…it was for gamma butyrolactone," he whispered—Hatori's breathing constricted. "I'm sure you know what that is—you  _are_  a doctor." He laughed a little. "Hallucinogen… It's a wonder you didn't notice…"

 _Dear gods…_ Hatori swallowed. "How long?"

"A year…but it was bad," muttered Shigure; Hatori flinched. "Nearly everyday he had to have a fix, sometimes two or three. And not once did you notice all the medical books I 'borrowed' from your shelves, not once did you notice how lost he seemed, not once notice how fidgety he would get—how little he was seen that year."

Hatori sat back, holding his head in his hands, eyes wide. "Oh gods…Ayame… Why didn't he tell me?"

"He couldn't," answered Shigure. "He was too afraid of what you'd say. Too afraid too tell you why…he was so scared…terrified."

"Why," whispered the dragon, fearing the answer beyond his limits, "Why did he do that? Why is he doing this?  _Why?_ "

"I can't." Hatori hit a brick wall again in the answer Shigure gave. The dog was crying now, the tears glinting in the golden-red light of dawn. "Please, let me at least keep that promise to him… I've told you all I can—he's the only one with the right to tell any more than what I've said… I'm sorry— _please_ , I'm sorry Haa-san!"

_"You've never really known me, Tori-san…"_

Hatori's eyes were closed as he took a deep breath his lungs burning with betrayal. "I know."

Shigure swallowed, his eyes wet and wide as he watched the dragon get carefully to his feet and leave. Hatori's gait was slow, pained and stiff with knowledge of his infidelity to the one who loved him the deepest—loved? Was that it? Was it possible? He stopped; he was at the door to his room—it seemed so long since he's last entered it but it was only a few hours ago…

_Ayame…_

He opened the door, slightly surprised to find it empty—there was no sign of Ayame at all. He frowned but stayed, closing the door behind him. He stared out the window, those closed blinds that seemed so appropriate for him—iron bars he deserved—and he made no move to open them to the light.

" _Friend… Yes, that's all I am, your patient…your friend_.. _."_

His heart constricted painfully; those words had been so bitter, too bitter for the Ayame he knew—but then, it seemed he didn't know his friend at all. Hallucinogen? How could he not have known, not have seen? There must have been signs. Did he truly know so little about his friend?  _Ayame…gods, I didn't mean to betray you!_

 

* * *

 

It was cold—so cold—as he walked, lost in memories and pain, worthlessness. His golden eyes were fogged with tears he refused to let fall any longer, his arms wrapped around himself, his wrists throbbing again. Silver hair fell into his eyes and he made no move to brush it away. He was in the garden, the dead and withered plants somehow comforting to his wasted soul as he wandered.

A shadow, somehow darker than the night itself, passed over him and he glanced up.  _A bird… No…a crow…_ his mind said. The bird croaked, proving it was indeed a crow, wherever it had gone. Ayame shivered, swallowing.  _Bad omen…my bad omen, I'm sure…_

He shook his head, continuing as he heard a door slam somewhere—he sighed. The night was grim, dark and foreboding in its feel. The snake coughed faintly, his bare feet dragging in the iced snow, burning though he still felt cold inside. So cold…so cold…

He sighed. It was always cold. It hadn't always been, he knew, but he couldn't truly remember that time—to him, it had always been cold. He stumbled, falling to his knees in the snow; he sat back, holding his knees to his chest, staring out at the dark—so cold…

" _Gure! Please—help! Help him! He's killed Tori! Gods, help him!"_

His breaths were shorter now, light and fast—thin. He shook his head, desperately trying to shake away the memories of that fevered time, that insanity. Why? Why was he remembering this? Why couldn't they just let him die in peace?

" _Tori! Gure, help me! I can't breathe! I can't—help!"_

A sob caught in his throat. "Gure…"

He could see Shigure's panicked face, ghostly pale and frightened—worried. It was a torture he could scarce bear. The dog had stayed by him, never leaving him for long. No matter how long he screamed, seeing what wasn't there, Shigure was by his side, holding him, comforting him. So gently, so soothingly…

" _Gure…?"_

_The dog glanced up from the book he'd stopped reading an hour ago when he realized the snake had wakened. "Aaya?" His eyes searched gold, looking for anything that would give a clue to mental state. "What is it?"_

_He sniffed, his eyes dry, lips chapped and cracked. "Gure…help me…"_

_Lost, so lost. Shigure sighed, putting the book down and beckoning Ayame to him. The snake went, stumbling to those open arms, weak and weary—he couldn't take much more. "Aaya," whispered the dog into the silver hair. "Why do you do this to yourself?"_

_Ayame gave no answer as he buried himself deeper in Shigure's kimono-front. "Please, help me Gure… I'm so scared—I see it—every time I close my eyes, I see it! Help me!"_

_Chocolate eyes were sad, so sad, as he rocked his friend, calming him through the haze of the hallucinations only he could see, the horrors that haunted only him. "Ssh," he said softly. "It'll be all right—I won't let anything happen to you—to Haa-san… It'll be all right." Ayame screamed again, writhing as another attack hit—Shigure only tightened his grip slightly, refusing to let go. "Hold on Aaya—you have to hold on. I know you can! Don't give up! For me, Aaya…please!"_

_Tears streamed from those wide and terrified, lost eyes. He could only see blood and pain and death—that was all, a voice whispered, that the future had for him. He wanted none of it. Hatori…he could see the dragon, lying there on the floor; he was covered in blood, those dim, empty emerald eyes staring straight ahead, the mouth slack and white-tinged with blue. It was the essence of horror to him—the very meaning of death._

" _Oh gods—help me!"_

_Whirling, surrounded—demons only he could see screamed around him, their ugly talons gleaming in the non-existent blood-red light. They were jeering as they flew at his face, their voices deafening—the only thing that gave any sanity was Shigure's soft voice, those comforting sounds, though he couldn't understand the words. He was so scared, so frightened. He felt lost, alone, but for the dog's voice and the memory of a much sweeter emerald. Claws raked by his ear again and he screamed—_

" _Stop!_ " Ayame's hands were clamped over his ears, his skull in a death-grip. He was panting. "Oh gods… _Tori-san_ …"

He could feel the old horror, the old pain—the hallucinations of that dark reality—welling up, forcing their way to his mind and leaving his barriers in shattered pieces on the cold snow. He screamed softly, eyes wide and misted once more. "No…no…no, no, no, no, no…!"

" _Hypocrite! You think it isn't like that for all of us? It is! I know what it feels like to fail! I know what it's like to feel utterly worthless—like I don't mean shit—but that doesn't mean you can just give up!"_

Yuki's voice, angry and frustrated, rang clearly through his head, pounding into his skull from the inside out. He groaned.  _Yuki…someone, help me!_

" _Shigure and Hatori…they need you here!"_

His breathing was ragged, getting worse now; he was shaking. They needed him?  _But…that can't be right… That's not…that's not what Akito-sama said!_

" _A worthless insect…it fits you, Snake. It truly does. What good do you do? None. Even your own brother hates you. You feed off everyone while doing nothing of significance. You're worthless…"_

He was worthless, yes… That was the only truth… Yes, he was, that was all he needed to know. Worthless—he couldn't change, couldn't be anything—no one could depend on him like that… Good, good… Truth at last…

" _Please, tell me! I want to help!"_

Hatori? The voice was so dim, so tremulous… He was spiraling down in a torrent of voices, of pain…  _Tori-san…_

" _Ayame, please; I'm trying to help you, but I can't do that if you don't tell me what's wrong!"_

So accusing… So much worry and anxiety over someone so worthless? Why… He couldn't see anymore, for the voices…

" _Ayame…this isn't you."_

His world, his reality shook, the firm belief falling from beneath him. _It is…it is, it is, it is! …Isn't it?_

" _Fine. I'll leave for now Ayame, but I want you to tell me what's going on. I'll give you till tomorrow to do it on your own."_

Warm eyes, so much concern…so much friendship… It would be wasted…but for what? It was all a rush of color and sound and voices and confusion that the light couldn't pierce. Suddenly, clearer than anything, was the voice of the one he had loved for so long…

" _Ayame…I can't live without you… I can't lose you…please… I need you, Ayame…"_

Golden eyes cleared slightly and he swallowed. Selfish…he'd been so selfish… Hatori—gods how Hatori must have suffered watching his fall from grace… He couldn't. "Tori-san…"

 

* * *

 

Dark eyes watched, black their only color—the indigo melted and gone now. His lip curled as he watched the snake, the current object of his hate. Pain welled in his chest and he put a thin hand there, pressing it down to ease the burn—he winced. He coughed and it was like fire in his lungs as he bent slightly. He was panting as he slowly lowered himself to the floor—Kureno wasn't there to help him forget the pain, neither was Shigure, but he would manage as he quietly thought of the ways he would commend the rooster when he returned from the deed—the murder.

A dark smile.  _Yes…bleed my beloved Dragon… Bleed for me, for my sake and only mine… You shall do your part and I love you once more…_

 

* * *

 

Silent cat-steps down the hall, a blade in hand; he opened the door, cringing as the hinges creaked slightly, though not enough to wake anyone. His coffee eyes scanned the room, finding it nearly empty—only a futon in the corner and one occupant standing in front of the lightless window, his face in shadows. The dragon didn't move as Kureno's footsteps echoed behind him—he didn't even flinch. He stayed were he was, staring at the closed blinds, at his future. The rooster swallowed, coming closer.

Hatori sighed softly, breath like a soft dying wind on ashes; Kureno hesitated for a moment. Hatori turned, and the rooster froze. Such sadness, such pain in those emerald eyes, those clouded jewels—the familiar face lined and weathered, tired. "Kureno…"

The rooster slammed his eyes shut and shoved the blade in his hand deep into flesh, chills electrifying his spine as he felt warm liquid slip down his wrist. A gasp, choked and pained—wide eyes and confusion. Kureno opened his eyes as Hatori clutched at his shoulder, grabbing the polo shirt in his shaking hands, emerald eyes full of frantic questions then finally, mercifully, peace—the dragon let go, falling to the floor with a muffled thud.

He stood there, staring, for what seemed an eternity, mind blank and numb. Coffee eyes widened as he saw the blood begin to seep from the body. He stepped back, backing away slowly—he dropped the knife and ran, leaving behind death as he escaped the dark room—only shadows were left to claim the body of fallen love and 'never-will-be's.

 

* * *

 

Cold feet trod a death-path as the snake walked the halls of the estate, searching. Golden eyes flitted from door to door, always wondering if that was the door Hatori was behind. Searching, he'd always been searching for the dragon—whether he knew it or not. This time, he would find him. Hatori deserved the truth after all he'd been put through the past week… No, he would finally tell him, finally crumble to the dragon's inevitable answer—but the weight would be gone. He only wished it would take the cold dark with it.

He shivered, twisting in his own skin as he continued down the dark hall. He stopped eventually at the door of a room.  _The_  room. Gods, he wanted to tell him—he had to do it now, before his will broke, before his tongue froze to the roof of his mouth. It had to finally be said. It was breaking him as never before.

He pushed open the door glancing around the seemingly empty room, frowning and anxious. "Tori-san?" he said softly, unable to make his once boisterous voice any louder than a shaking whisper. "Tori-san, where are you?"

He took a step forward and yelped, jumping back a little, looking down—his foot was splashed in red. Cold numbness began in his stomach, crawling up his spine, as his gaze followed the red trail to his horror. He swallowed, his throat dry, his golden eyes wide. "No," he whispered so softly. " _No_..."

The dragon didn't move as Ayame scrambled to his side, slipping on the still-wet blood as he went to the dragon. " _Tori-san_!" He hurriedly tried to turn the limp body so it was face-up, failing twice as his shaking hands slipped on the cloth. Hatori's face was pale white, his skin cooler, but there was still a flicker left there and Ayame gasped, swallowing back a sob. "Oh  _gods, Tori!_  Gods,  _please, wake up!_ " The dragon didn't move or react at all, his face remaining blank, his body, limp. Ayame swallowed again—the fear welled up as his hands shook harder.  _No... No! Not like this! Gods, not like this! Tori-san! Hatori!_

"Tori!  _Please!_  Don't leave me — _I love you!_ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:**  Ooh! Ayame has finally said it out loud! Please though, Hatori fans; don't kill me! If you do, you'll never find out what happens! Also, I did take some liberties with the hallucinogen—since I am totally against taking drugs—but hey, creative license, ne? Anyway, so... Here we go again—will Hatori live? Or die in his would-be lover's arms? And Shigure? His secret (or most of it) has finally been revealed! Wow! And yes, before anyone asks; I  _do_  so love cliffies! Please,  _ **review!**_
> 
> _**To My Most Wonderful Reviewers:** _
> 
> Pandora de Romanus-  _Heh. Wow. I'm not a big HP fan...but I have read up to the fifth book. As for slash...maybe. Besides that, yes, this fic is sad. And it's just going to get worse folks! Obviously, Aaya-chan-sama is my favorite character of Furuba as well...and thank you so much for the compliment! Please, keep reading and reviewing!_
> 
> Astria-  _Hmm... Akito's not really blackmailing Ayame, per se, he is, however sort of playing the three against one another. And it seems Hatori won't have a chance to intervene...now what will happen! Ooh! Thank you so much! I wasn't sure I was doing such a good job with Akito, but your review certainly made me feel better! Please, keep reading!_
> 
> Scorpion Lyra- _Hehehe...another chapter for you! I hope you liked this one as much as you enjoyed the others!_
> 
> WHPIAR-  _Haha! That's funny! Sorry about the cliffies, but as I said before, I love them! Or at least, love leaving them for you guys—it's a good way to get someone to review. Anyway, yes, what a simple fic can do—R.C. McLachlan nearly made me cry a few times—and that's very rare for me. I don't think I need to ask you to read or review, but please do so anyway!_
> 
> Solo Shadow- _Thanks. And sorry if I sounded stuck-up before...it's not exactly that I hate Yuki, he just really grates on my nerves sometimes...and he's not very nice to Aaya-sama! Anyway, thanks! Keep reading and reviewing!_
> 
> Mist's Child-  _Heh. Thanks! Yes, Akito is evil. And yes, poor, poor Hatori—I almost felt bad...but I did it anyway._
> 
> ShuichisLover-  _Wow. Here's a tissue for you—and another chapter. Please, keep reading and reviewing!_
> 
> Child of the Dark Wood-  _Ooh! Another one! Yay! But I would like cookies... Oh well. And I hope you liked this chapter too!_
> 
> kodkodkittie-  _Wow... Amazing? Really? Thanks! And don't worry—I'll keep writing! And thank you so much for the compliment! Keep reading!_
> 
> acharne-  _Yes, I suppose that was a little harsh of Aaya...but then, he wasn't really in a good mood. And yes, again—Akito is evil. And here's more angsty/suspensy fic!_
> 
> Calyco-  _Hmm... I'm so happy you like this story! And I too wish I could give him a big hug! (I don't care that he's fictional! Everyone deserves a hug!) And I shall keep your plea in mind..._
> 
> Different Child-  _Thanks! Well, now you know what Akito meant. Keep reading!_
> 
> Zukinn Chan-  _Yay! I have a fan! Ooh...read "Though The Photographs May Fade"—if you like this one, you'll it! And cryptic? I like that! Thanks!_
> 
> Samus Kaiba-  _So sorry Miss Neglected. But yes, I address all my reviewers! And please, keep reading!_
> 
> FireChibi-  _Oh course you shouldn't have been worried! Who do you think I am? I am the queen of depressing! Heh. Kidding. But yes, that always annoys me to some degree—the happy-go-lucky let's-be-brothers act—so I killed it. Heh. But please, keep reading! And you're welcome!_
> 
> silverdragon87-  _Aww... Don't cry! And yes, it is sad. But like I said, I'm remedying the problem of a terrible lack of Aaya-angst! Please, keep reading!_
> 
> lazy fat kitsune-  _Yes, I know I'm evil for stopping there—but I must admit, this one's worse. Heh. And it's just for you! Oh, but please sleep... Ja!_
> 
> dimonyo-anghel-  _...Eheh... Yes, well... Sorry about Tori-kun...it had to be done... Please, though, keep reading!_
> 
> Well, thank you all so much! I love reviews! They make me feel like writing! The more I get, the faster I write! (But I am sorry it took me so long for this chapter... It was a hard one to write!) And have no fear! I will finish this story!


	8. Ai no Jigoku

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **A/N:**  Eek! Sorry, sorry, sorry! Please, I am eternally sorry for the long wait! Now, since many of you have been screaming at me…let's get right to the story!
> 
>  **Disclaimer:**  I don't own  _Fruits Basket_ , and I'm not making any money off this either. 
> 
>  **Additional Notes:**  Well, in case you're curious, "Ai no Jigoku" means either "Love's Hell" or "Love of Hell". And again, Akito is  ** _male_**. And now, on with the story!

Dark lies and even darker deeds were drawn over the room like a shroud as Akito sat. He sat in the center of the floor, his obsidian eyes trained on the vase in the far corner as a small white bird sipped at the water; his haori had slipped down slightly on his shoulders, his black kimono showing. The velvet darkness was shattered as the door was slammed open, and then shut, as angry feet made their way toward him.

" _Akito!_ "

The youth's lips twitched slightly, having the beginnings of a smirk. But it never spread itself as Shigure grabbed the back of Akito's haori, half-throwing him to his feet, though the patriarch managed to catch himself and stumble to the wall. Shigure's eyes were livid, utter rage in their depths. " _How could you?_ " he nearly screamed. " _You nearly killed him!_ "

Akito straightened, frowning in mock concern. "Who? My beloved Dog, what are you talking about?"

" _You could have killed Hatori!_ " In seconds, Shigure had shoved the younger man against the wall, holding him up by the front of his kimono. "You bastard! You  _fucking_  bastard!"

Shigure had never expected Akito to sink so low, had never imagined that the pale boy would ever try to  _kill_  one of his own juunishi. However—even knowing the depths the patriarch would sink never could have prepared the dog for what Akito did next: he laughed. It was a whisper-black sound, the rustle of dead leaves at first, slowly growing louder.

"You don't get it, do you?" said Akito, his smirk open now as he clutched at the dog's wrists, held a foot off the floor. "You don't see it…"

The older man growled, his eyes narrowing. "See what?" he hissed. "Why did you do this?"

Akito stopped laughing suddenly and his opal eyes fixed themselves on chocolate, piercing now. "For you—don't you see, my  _love_ , I did this for  _you_."

His breath caught, his numb fingers losing their grip and dropping Akito to the floor, where he landed lightly on his feet. "No," whispered Shigure. "No…it's not true…"

"Yes," murmured Akito, leaning against the frozen dog, his fingers twisting in Shigure's kimono fabric. "I did it for you—for you and only you, dear-heart."

Chocolate eyes were wide; the youth wetted his lips, lightly pressing the dog back. "Don't you understand?" he asked, half-leading, half-pushing the dog to the couch in the corner and helping him to sit. "Don't you see? I did it so that  _Snake_  would finally see you—it was all for that, my love—for  _your_  happiness."

Shigure's mind was chaos; he hardly registered Akito's light kisses, his hand twisting gently in his hair, fingering his kimono tie. Then it snapped into focus.  _Ayame…Hatori… I did this…it's all my fault…_

"Get away from me!" he screeched, shoving at the patriarch. The hands that had been so gentle seconds before turned hard and cruel, tightening in soot hair, forcing Shigure's head down. The eyes the dog had once seen as indigo were now endless black, obsidian shadows on ice-chipped features.

"Again,  _love_?" muttered Akito, voice low and bitter. "You have been insolent far too often lately—and after I have shown you such utmost kindness, as well." Shigure whimpered, half-growling, as the youth's grip tightened, that darkly pale face so close, those lips once more brushing his ear. "I believe I deserve a reward…my  _beloved_."

It hit the dog like ice this time, the knowledge, as Akito forced him to the leather cushions of the couch.  _No! I can't! Not again—I love Aaya!_ He was struggling, but it was no use, he knew—Akito would get what he wanted in the end. He always did.

_Aaya…_

Thin hands slid his kimono from his shoulders and he flinched as cold flesh brushed his. The darkness had collapsed at last, converging now on this. Shigure could feel his own tears on his face but it all seemed so removed, so distant. He didn't deserve Aaya. He never had. Not now… Not when…

"My sweet," breathed the patriarch as he began, kissing the dog beneath him, his kimono undone, bunching around his waist, held on only by a stubborn obi, hiked to his thighs. Shigure couldn't stop it, but he refused to be what Akito wanted.

"Why won't you love me?" asked Akito, his pout reeking of ire and frustration. His black eyes were narrowed to a sharp, disapproving glare. " _Love me!_ "

A slap. The dog's cheek stung but he didn't flinch, the tears slipping from his smoky lashes. The youth hissed softly. "What's wrong  _pet_ ," he sneered. "You enjoyed this last time." A sob, quiet and resigned to this damnation. "Don't you know? I'm never wrong—the filthy Snake will never see you with the dragon in his eyes.  _Neve_ r. I'm your only hope, your only chance—your salvation. You'd be nothing if it weren't for me. You'd be better off  _dead_  without me."

Shigure closed his eyes as he felt Akito's tongue slide over the scratches on his cheek, trailing down to kiss his ear and nibble his earlobe. Those hands slipped down under his kimono and the dog knew then—he was no more than a fool, an idiot, helpless to save anyone, a sentinel to all that had and was to happen. Akito stole his lips once more, going deeper than ever before.

_I'm so sorry Aaya… I lied…I've broken my promise… Please, forgive me…_

 

* * *

 

" _Something is troubling you." Shigure looked up, chocolate meeting indigo as Akito turned to him. "Tell me, Shigure, what is it?" The dog looked away, silent, a red stain on his cheeks as he knelt on the floor. The patriarch frowned at his silence before his eyes narrowed in sudden realization. "The Snake."_

_Shigure's eyes snapped to Akito's face. "What…?"_

" _Don't play the idiot," hissed the youth, standing rigid. "You know perfectly well that I can see the way you look at him. I know."_

_He swallowed, his head held low. "Akito…"_

" _You love him, don't you?" asked Akito, his voice deadpan. "You love that filthy bastard of a Snake."_

" _Aaya's not a bastard!" yelled Shigure, half on his feet now, hands clinched to fists, not caring of the consequences of yelling at the 'god'. "He's not filthy either!"_

" _Is that a yes?"_

_Shigure froze. Akito's gaze was ice on his skin, those eyes trained on his own. There was no denying it—Akito know. Besides, he reasoned with himself, the pale youth would never hurt Aaya, of that he was sure. "Yes," he murmured. "I love Aaya."_

_Akito smirked in satisfaction, nodding. "And yet, he doesn't know?"_

" _He won't. Shigure looked away, his eyes distant. The room seemed too small, somehow. The dog's fists clinched tighter on his kimono. "He doesn't love me… He doesn't know about it…"_

" _Then tell him."_

" _I can't," muttered the dog, sighing as the patriarch kneeled next to him on the tatami. "He loves…someone else…"_

" _Hatori," said Akito simply. "Everyone can see that."_

_Shigure nodded, chuckling almost bitterly. "Everyone except Hatori…"_

_The pale youth didn't comment. They stayed that way, silent, for what seemed a small eon before Akito spoke at last, breaking the dull silence. "You're lonely," he said suddenly. "You want him to hold you—you crave his touch."_

_The red stain grew brighter. Shigure didn't bother to deny Akito as he began to fiddle with his kimono sleeve, watching the silky blue fabric catch the fading light from the drawn blinds. Dark eyes studied him, noticed his nervous movements and the way his eyes never really saw what he was doing._

" _You know," said Akito softly, "I could do it for you." Shigure stopped._

" _No." It was a quiet whisper, but firm. "I couldn't—I love Aaya… I'm sorry Akito…"_

_The patriarch leaned against the dog, nuzzling his neck gently. "Why? The Snake will never know… What could it hurt? Tell me, Shigure; why?" Shigure tried to pull back, but Akito had wrapped his thin arms around the dog's neck. "Tell me, who could this hurt? What are you afraid of?"_

_Shigure swallowed; his skin was cool and Akito's hand on his knee was so warm… And it was true—he was lonely…_

But Aaya…

_Akito's lips were soft as they spoke against his neck. "Come, my pet," he whispered, now sitting in the other man's lap, hands deftly tugging at Shigure's obi and kimono. "Let me love you like you wish he would—let me have you…"_

_Shigure moaned softly, leaning back as Akito trailed kisses to what was exposed of his chest. "Stop," he murmured. "Oh gods… I can't…Aaya…"_

" _He'll never know," said the patriarch softly, his voice so silky and alluring, his lips so inviting…tempting… "Let me release you…"_

_His will collapsed and he took that face in his hands, pressing his lips to Akito's fiercely, hungrily. It was burning; he couldn't take it any longer. Lips parted and tongues met in a dance of horrible lies and dark passion, greed etched in every movement. Shigure didn't think as his instincts—his body—betrayed his very heart, taking control._

_It was slow, painstaking, but fierce and burning, so needed, so absolutely desired. Shigure lay there afterwards, as Akito slept next to him, staring at the slowly turning blades of the overhead fan. His mind was blank, mercifully numb._

 

* * *

 

His stomach was twisting, knotting, and writhing in guilt and pain. It hadn't been the release it had been then; it had been agonizing, though he knew he deserved the pain. That's all he deserved—to die in pain and rot in hell for what he'd done, for what he'd caused.

_Ayame… Hatori… My fault…_

The fan blades were still now, though his eyes never truly saw them, as he lost himself. He could still see Hatori's pale, ghost-white face, the wound that nearly killed him. They had been lucky—the blade had only nicked the artery. It had had been painful, as they had Kana examine the wound and carefully sew it, staunching the bleeding with a practiced hand, her eyes seeing no more tha Sohma Hatori, never knowing that she had once loved him.

Ayame had sat quietly, silent tears streaming down his face, as the dragon had slept on, unconscious and unaware. The snake had refused to leave Hatori's side, too terrified the dragon would never wake up. He was living his worst nightmare…and he feared the end would never change.

He had promised it would never happen—that no one would get hurt… Those golden eyes haunted him now; they had been so frightened, so hurt and betrayed… Why? Why had he not stopped Akito when he had the chance? Why had he told the patriarch about Ayame and Hatori? His feelings for the snake? He'd been such a careless fool and now the ones he loved were paying for it.

This… _everything_ …was his fault…

Tears mingled with shadows as he slowly slipped past his hope. "I'm sorry Aaya…I'm so sorry…"

 

* * *

 

Sounds seemed to echo in his skull, dull and resonating like the tick of an oversized clock. He stared; his hands were limp in his lap, though they itched to pound the wall of this cage, the ground, the very air itself. His face was twisted and the perfect countenance of pain as his broken and blank eyes remained trained on Hatori's still form.

Hatori lay there, unaware of the snake's presence, his eyes closed and lidded. A sickly pallor had claimed his face sometime during the night and no matter how many times Ayame was assured the dragon would be fine, he still couldn't shake the fevered nightmares and insanity from his memory. Hatori would live, they told him—he was only weak from the blood loss—stop worrying.

But he couldn't stop worrying. He took a shaking breath, tentatively reaching out to take that chilled hand in his, so gentle… Tears slipped down his cheeks, evidence to his fear, as he swallowed. "I…I'm so sorry Tori-san… I should never have… Oh  _gods_ , please don't leave me!"

The tears were faster now; he was bent over the bed, that hand clutched in his own trembling fingers as the sobs shook him. " _Please_ ," he pleaded, his voice soft and breathless, full of tears. "Gods, please! I love you Tori-san! I can't live without you!"

His other hand had found it's way to the dragon's cheek, caressing it so tenderly with such a heartbreaking longing. Gold was faded, hope hardly flickering in its depths. "Tori-san…I love you…you are the only thing worth living for…  _Please_ , don't leave me…"

"He won't."

Ayame swallowed, looking up to see a familiar silhouette. "Yuki…"

The rat sighed, stepping into the room and shutting the door behind him. "He won't leave you, Nii-san," he said quietly. "He doesn't say it, but I think he needs you as much as you need him."

The snake looked back to Hatori, his eyes wondering, hardly daring to hope for the sweetest dream. "I'm…I'm scared otouto," he murmured softly, his eyes half-closed. "So frightened…that he'll leave and I…I would have never told him…he would have never known…"

He couldn't speak as the fears claimed his mind again. It seemed that the oxygen had disappeared from the suddenly cold room and he couldn't breathe, his eyes wide and full of burning tears. Yuki was at his side in moments, lying a comforting his hand on his sibling's shoulder. "Nii-san," he whispered, his eyes worried in spite of himself. "Everything will be all right… Hatori is just weak—he'll be fine! Please, you need to relax; calm down a little!"

Spidery hands covered his open mouth as he gulped in air, shaking. It was nearly ten minutes before Ayame could gain any semblance of himself. Yuki wondered briefly why he suddenly felt so much more anxious as he watched the dragon's prone form. The snake swallowed dryly, sighing a little. "Thank you," he whispered softly, his hand reaching up to rest over the rat's.

A small smile curled the teen's lips and his violet eyes softened. "You're welcome Nii-san." He frowned as he noticed the tired droop of the snake's eyelids, the slump to his shoulders and the dark shadows beneath his eyes. "Now you need to sleep. Go get some rest."

"No!" Ayame's eyes were wide, almost terrified at the very thought of leaving his vigil, if even for a desperately needed sleep. "I can't leave him! Not after all I put him through, after—"

"Nii-san," sighed the rat. "Please, Hatori would rather you sleep than worry yourself sick over him, I'm sure."

The snake chewed his lip, tired eyes darting between his brother and his love. He sighed at last, shakily getting to his feet. "You're right, otouto…"

Yuki smiled a little, trying to reassure Ayame. "Don't worry; I'll get you if he starts to wake up."

The snake nodded. "Thank you… Just get me if there is  _any_  change…"

"Of course."

 

* * *

 

Shigure had gone; where to, Akito neither knew nor cared at the moment. The pain in his chest was growing steadily and breathing… It felt as though his throat had constricted, as though his lungs were on fire. The pain of breathing was almost more than he could bear. He moaned softly as he lay there on his bed.

He was utterly alone now—Kureno ad never returned from his deed, though one of the maids had told him the rooster was with Kazuma at the dojo; the patriarch hissed softly, his opal eyes narrowing at the pain throbbing in his chest. Shigure had been so disobedient, unlike before…he had not seemed at all thankful and it had hurt that he had refused to love or be loved.

Black, it was all so black, so bleak. Didn't the Dog see? It was all for  _him_ , for  _his_  happiness. Gods, what he wouldn't give to see the smile that had been absent for far too long on Shigure's face. He would give anything, even his personal physician, if he could love the Dog and have his feelings returned.

So alone…so very alone… He couldn't bear it, truly. The night had condensed—it was suffocating him. He was frightened now, as the pain grew. "Hatori!" he screamed, panting. " _Hatori_ , to me!"

His calls went almost entirely unanswered, save for an older maid. Her water-like blue eyes were troubled and full of pity, "I am sorry Akito-sama," she said, her voice as hard and cold as stone. "Hatori-san is bedridden still. He has yet to wake."

Akito groaned, weakly dismissing the maid with a flick of his hand. And he was alone again. The very air seemed to smother him. A single tear slipped down from his dark eyes. This was the Snake's fault…all of it, that dirty snake's fault… Or was it Hatori's? Perhaps even Shigure's? He didn't know…

So lost; where was he?  _What_  was he?

 

* * *

 

Shafts of light seeped through the windows, crossing his weary face as he stumbled down the hall, towards the guestroom. His feet were numb still, and it seemed the ice had never left them from his walk through the frozen garden the night before. It was frigid, as was his heart, and he couldn't stop the memories.

Hatori had always been the one to help him, always the one who would comfort him, the one to scold him. Shigure had done those things as well, but as a friend—Hatori was different. He was…aloof, perhaps? Was it that distance that had so enamored him? He didn't know. He didn't understand.

All he knew was that he loved Hatori more than anyone.

"Aaya?"

He looked up, his eyes focusing on Shigure's. A weak smile found his lips somehow at the sight of his most trusted friend. "Gure…san…"

The dog shook his head, taking Ayame's hand, his other arm wrapping around the snake's shoulders, and led him to the nearest room. With a practiced patience, Shigure helped his friend to the bed, gently smiling as he helped the snake under the covers, though his eyes were worried and troubled. "Aaya? Are you all right?"

The snake sighed, snuggling into the covers. "Yuki made me go sleep," he said, his voice hardly a whisper. "So tired…"

Shigure smiled fondly, ruffling the silver hair. "Well at least you'll listen to him. "He sighed, fighting now to keep the pain from his face as he fingered the silver strands.  _Be well Aaya…_

"Gure-san?" Gold eyes were narrowed, his mouth in a frown. His hand reached up, gently tracing the long scratches on the dog's pale face. "What happened?"

Shigure swallowed. "Nothing Aaya," he said quietly. "Just a scratch. Now you need to sleep."

"Gure-san," asked the snake, ignoring Shigure's request; his eyes were closed now, though his hand remained against the scratches, the dog's hand holding it there. "Will…will Tori-san ever…ever see me?"

It sent a rod through Shigure's chest—it was almost the same question he wanted to ask the snake:  _Will you ever see me?_  He forced a comforting smile, reassuring to a fault. "Yes."

_But will you see me?_

Ayame smiled, already half asleep. "Really?"

"Yes," repeated the dog faithfully. "He'll see you…he already does Aaya, more than you realize. Now go to sleep."

The other man sighed, a quiet rush of breath. "It's cold Gure-san," he said softly, already drifting away; the dog gently brushed the back of his hand down that porcelain cheek. "Please Gure…hold me…"

Something in his throat, painful and raw, caught at the words. Ayame was shivering though, and even as it tore at his heart, he crawled into the bed, under the covers. Almost immediately, the snake snuggled to his chest, his forehead resting in the crook of his neck. Shigure swallowed, his arms weaving around the other man's waist, pulling him closer.

Shigure's eyes closed and, for a moment, he could pretend—Ayame knew, and they were together, Hatori well and overjoyed for them—the perfect life. But this wasn't his dream, his perfect life; this was hell. His heaven was, in essence, his own private hell.

 

* * *

 

The coughs were tearing, ripping, shredding now. Pain beyond all endurance. He could hardly move, hardly see any longer. He was cold… He was freezing and so afraid. The room was shrinking as he huddled in the corner, against the wall, feeling more alone than he had ever felt. He could see ghost shadows. Lies blanketed his eyes as he watched the phantoms.

 _No…_  Where was Shigure? Where was the one—the only one—he loved? The only one who loved him? He didn't want to alone anymore. He'd been born alone—he was so frightened…  _Not alone…please, not alone!_

His breaths were no more than labored gasps now. He was shaking, trembling, his coughs so painful now. A sharp pain went through his chest suddenly—he couldn't breathe; he was choking, his vision shook and all went black only to return so much dimmer.

A terrible dark fear gripped his still-beating heart, the ice-cold tendrils snaking around his withered, blackened soul. His eyes widened.  _No! I—I don't—I don't want to die alone! No! Gods, not alone!_

Somehow, he stumbled weakly to the hall, his vision doubling and fraying to black at the edges. His coughs worsened and he could taste the metallic tang of his own blood. He only made it so far down the dark hall, the light fading before him; he staggered to the frozen, snow-covered garden before his legs collapsed beneath him.

He lie there, his lips stained red as his coughs left flecks of crimson on the cold, unfeeling pristine white of the snow. The twisted garden was cruel, haunting and terrifying. So alone…

_No! Shigure…please, help me! Don't let me die alone! Please! Shigure!_

His heart was laboring now, the world spinning and blurring to black—there was no sound other than the erratic and slow beat of his own dying heart. It was over. All gone. There was nothing left now—only the hope that Shigure would come for him, whisper his good-byes. He only wanted to see those beautiful eyes, even those crystal tears…

Tears slipped down his cheek as snow caressed half of his face as he lay. Alone…so alone… His lips were numb, his eyes lightless and empty, as he said the name. His voice was pleading, so lost and terrified—one last secret to tell.

"Shigure…I love you…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:** Well. Another "I love you" ending. How interesting. It seems that neither Akito nor Shigure was lying about their relationship; at least, not exactly. And see? I didn't kill Hatori! You may all thank me now! Poor Akito…I almost felt sorry for him. And Shigure—will Aaya ever realize the dog's feelings?
> 
> **Most Wonderful Reviewers:**
> 
> Faith Lee-  _Heh...thanks. Here's a tissue...and I'm not sure what I can do about the happy ending...you'll just have to keep reading to find out about that. Please, keep reading and reviewing!_
> 
> moonlight-  _Thanks! Here's more story for you! I hope you liked it; anyway, please, keep reading and reviewing!_
> 
> bluemoonwerecow-  _Interesting sn. And yes, tragedy does normally denote someone kicking the bucket, and this is no exception. Poor Akito. But hey, at least it wasn't Hatori, right?_
> 
> Mist's Child-  _Yipe! And yes, Akito was a little twisted in his reasoning. But hey, again, it wasn't Hatori!_
> 
> personsama-  _...okay. Well, I do apologize for not updating sooner. After all, I had to try and read my own longhand writing (not an easy task). But here it is! Hope it was worth the wait._
> 
> Werewolf's One-  _Wow...thank you so much for the absolutely wonderful review! And don't kill me! I didn't kill Hatori, so you can't! Heh...please, keep reviewing._
> 
> Cassie-  _Hmm…such pressure. Well, I'll certainly try! Thanks for the great review and please keep reading!_
> 
> Zukinn Chan-  _Don't worry about it; you eventually reviewed, so I'm happy. Yea, I know. Sorry the cliffy was so horrible. But I did feel like making you squirm a bit. Just wondering: would consider Akito's death an improvement? Please, keep reviewing!_
> 
> Samus Kaiba-  _Thanks, and sorry about the wait. I hope you liked this new installment! Keep on reading! (And reviewing...)_
> 
> Child of the Dark Wood-  _(Looks warily at the cookies) Umm...you didn't poison those, did you? Well...thanks for letting me live. And I didn't kill Tori-san, so get mad at me! Thanks for the review though, and keep 'em coming!_
> 
> Astria-  _Oooh! Thank you for such a helpful and generous review! Please, keep reviewing!_
> 
> kodkodkittie-  _Well, here's more story! Please enjoy and handle with care. And don't forget to review!_
> 
> Different Child-  _Slightly morbid, yes. Someone after my own heart! And sorry if you considered the end of this chapter to be a cliffy...and thanks for the reviews! Please, review!_
> 
> WhiteDenkou-  _Yay! Another really nice review! No problem: I love writing so I'll be sure to finish this eventually! Just keep reviewing!_
> 
> WHPIAR-  _Yes. There is more to come. And I'm so sorry it took so long...but was the wait worth it? Please, review!_
> 
> Pandora de Romanus-  _Yes, I know I'm mean. Heh. And look, he didn't die! Well, please, keep reading and reviewing!_
> 
> Yukako-  _Heh. Here's a bone! Fetch! Kidding...and here's a nice helping of nourishment for you. Now, I have one request: finish SW and keep reviewing!_
> 
> silverdragon87-  _It seemed that way, didn't it? Well, now you know...and please, keep reviewing!_
> 
> Malachite Iris-  _Heh, well here's another roll for you. Haha...thank you for such a wonderful compliment! Keep on reviewing!_
> 
> Solo Shadow-  _Yes, someone sees it my way. And yes! Ayame-chan-sama does rock! And here's the update I promised! Now just review!_
> 
> dimonyo-anghel-  _Yes, stupid selfish Akito, and yes poor Ayame and Hatori. Yay! I shall wait for you review then._
> 
> Scorpion Lyra-  _What? No! Write it in English! I wanna read it! No fair! (pouts) But yes, so sorry for the cliffy and the long wait. And since I was nice and didn't kill Hatori, you have to review!_
> 
> FireChibi-  _Hatori didn't die, so relax. And you're right, I just couldn't take Tori-san away from dearest Aaya. Heh... Hurry up and write that story! I'm waiting... (And thanks for the review!)_
> 
> Calyco-  _Kureno fans? I never thought of that... To tell the truth, I don't know much about Kureno...thanks for the info on him though! And sure, you can try to tell me what to do, but it won't work. I had the ending planned since the end of chapter four. Nice try though. And please, review!_
> 
> lazy fat kitsune- _Heh. Sorry it took so long! But here's the new update. And thanks for the wonderful review! Keep it up!_
> 
> Well, that's it for now. It might be a little bit before you see the next chapter, but please, try and be patient. I promise to finish the story! I hope you've enjoyed this newest installment of  _Sakura Snows._  


	9. Tada Hitotsu no Kikai

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **A/N:**  Eek! Back, mob,  _back!_  Forgive me, my loyal readers…I have meant to get this up for a long time…I just haven't had the time! So sorry! So, is Akito truly dead? And Shigure? Will Hatori wake up? Will Ayame ever be with his love?
> 
>  **Disclaimer:**  I don't own  _Furuba_  and I'm not making money off this either
> 
>  **Additional Notes:**  Well, in case you're curious, "Tada Hitotsu no Kikai" means "Only Chance". On with the story!

His eyes opened early the next morning, long before anyone would be up. It was still dark as Shigure quietly, carefully, untangled himself from Ayame's exhausted form, sitting up in the bed. He frowned—something was different. The feeling…it was something like being free and being crushed under weight beyond imagining all at once.

Something wasn't right…

He got to his feet, mindful not to wake Ayame as he started toward the door. He stopped, chewing his lip for a moment before going back to the snake. That face…so drained. And yet—so beautiful, so absolutely perfect for all its faults. He tenderly brushed back a lock of silver hair from the closed golden eyes; he covered the man with another blanket and left.

The halls were dark as pitch as he walked, letting his feet lead his way. Velvet shadows wrapped around him, caressing him; he wanted nothing more than to scream, to confess his every sin. To confess to Ayame. To confess of Akito. To beg for a forgiveness he would never deserve. Soon enough he realized his feet had halted their endless wandering. It was the garden, the dry branches swaying and cracking in the light wind as snow blew from boughs and the shingled roof. He gazed at the grounds, knowing what he was searching for was there, somewhere. A small dune of silver snow had collected near a broken and twisted tree and Shigure frowned.

Something was wrong…

His eyes caught a sliver of red and his heart skipped a beat, tempo speeding up slowly, as he picked his way across the snow-covered ground. He froze when a strong gust scattered some of the white, revealing its haunting ghost image.

_Akito…!_

Shigure was at Akito's side in seconds, his eyes wide. "Akito!" His hands trembled as he shook the patriarchs thin shoulder. Nothing. Akito's skin was frozen, the youth's lips blue beneath the dried blood and ice. Shigure's breath came out in short gasps, the air fogging, as he brushed his numb fingers down that frosted cheek, his heart wrenching as he felt the frozen teardrops, saw those open and unseeing eyes. Akito was gone.

"Akito…"

He sat there, slumped amid the snow and ice and death, staring at the pale boy—so peaceful, yet so forlorn… He smoothed back the raven tresses before allowing his fingertips to brush those lashes and rest on those lips. He swallowed dryly, his chocolate eyes sliding closed, and felt every feeling he'd ever felt for the patriarch knot in his stomach, twisting and making him sick.

"Akito…why?" It was soft, quiet—hardly a whisper. "Why me? Why did this happen?"

No answer; the snow fell lightly from the braches and roofs, dusting the dog's dark hair with glittering white. It wasn't right, he decided. He couldn't just leave Akito in the snow like some rag doll—no, Akito had been a bastard on occasion, true, but even he didn't deserve this grave of ice and mud.

Shigure took a shaky breath, carefully picking up the stiff and cold body. He took him to the patriarch's room—the most fitting destination—and closed the door. Gently, he laid Akito's still frame on the futon, feeling as though his sight was lost—he couldn't think, he couldn't breathe, he couldn't understand… It was lost…everything was gone—he had nothing left.

He was alone.

" _I'm the only thing you have left, Dog. Or have you forgotten that?"_

It was as though an invisible hand had punched through his gut, its fingers wrapping around his insides and twisting and ripping, tearing him a part. Gone…all gone… He was nothing. In a breath, he had nothing. A burden was all he could give now, nothing more.

" _I'm your only hope, your only chance—your salvation. You'd be nothing if it weren't for me. You'd be better off dead without me."_

His breathing was harsh, his eyes wide. The truth stung. It  _hurt_. Just as Akito had said. Akito was right. The truth, that awful fact, bit into his heart, shredding his memory.

He had nothing—he was better off dead without Akito. He'd be better off dead… Better off dead…

_Dead…_

 

* * *

 

Emerald opened and it seemed to him that years had passed. Silver framed his vision and the sky owed two golden suns. He groaned softly, moving slightly beneath the heavy sheets; a worriedly hopeful voice was the first thing he heard.

"Tori-san? Oh gods,  _Tori-san_ —you're all right!"

Such a recognizable voice… He knew who it was… He knew…but he couldn't remember. His mind was a hazed and lost; the only thing that seemed solid to him was the bed he was laying on, and even that didn't seem as steady as it should have been. He was panting now, his head feeling light and beginning to spin.

"Tori-san?" The voice again, so worried. "Hatori? Please…say something…"

His lips moved, so eager to placate that worried voice—somehow, he knew he'd give anything to make that voice happy. Nothing came out but a hoarse whisper. "What…happened…"

A relieved sigh and gentle hands smoothing back his hair. "Oh Hatori—Tori-san… You were hurt," came that gentle voice, though worry still tainted it. "You…you were hurt… But you're all right now…you're all right…"

He swallowed. "Then why…do I feel…so weak…?"

"You lost a lot of b-blood, that's all. You'll feel better soon." A small, nervous smile in that symphony of chimes, it seemed. "Now just go back to sleep Tori-san; you're safe… I swear I'll be right here when you wake up…"

His eyes fluttered closed and he fell almost instantly into darkness. His dreams were filled with sad golden eyes and silver wings, feathers turning to falling sakura before melting into blood-red rose petals that washed an angel's feet. There was someone else too, black hair and dark eyes, a knife held to its own throat, the sakura petals turning to ice and snow when they touchedits skin. Emerald opened again, far clearer than before, to see Ayame sitting in the bedside chair, his gaze fixed on the now-open window. Sunlight streamed in, so warm and comforting now; he sighed, near content in the sun and presence.

Ayame's face snapped to his at the sound and a relieved grin spread itself across that tired face. "Tori-san!" He kept his voice quiet and Hatori was impressed. "How are you feeling?"

A weak smile was all he could offer the younger man. "Better," he managed somehow. "How long have I been out?"

"About a day or so," answered the snake. "I'm so glad you're all right… But then, I knew you would be…"

The dragon frowned; he didn't believe his friend. Ayame's face was lined, pale, weary, and strained. Dark circles made the snake look all the more pale as well, and these bloodshot eyes and the smell of salt clearly told him his friend had been crying only hours previous.

However, Hatori decided to let the lie stand for the snake's pride. "I suppose you were right then," he said. Carefully, he tried to move, stretching first his arms, slowly lifting them above his head and tightening the muscles, before stretching his legs—his back, on the other hand, he didn't dare bother. It ached enough to tell him pain would be the answer to any stretching there.

Silence owned the room then, and it seemed that hour passed without a sound to interrupt the thoughts flying through Hatori's mind. The dragon took in his room, his eyes lingering on the broken lamp and the open blinds—he smiled a little. Ayame's gaze would shift between both the window and the dragon as though he couldn't decide where he should look. Hatori laughed a little. The snake blinked, confused.

"Tori-san?"

The dragon shook his head. "Nothing Ayame…it's nothing," he said. "You just looked so…uncomfortable; almost nervous around me—why?"

Ayame's breath quickened for a moment. "I… I don't—"

"Ayame." The snake recognized the stark seriousness in his friend's voice and he swallowed. "Please. I want the truth about this entire affair—I seem to be the only one left in the dark…"

It was the question Ayame had been fearing since Hatori had first opened his eyes. His thin hands twisted his kimono sleeves in his lap, his eyes flicking anywhere but the dragon's pale face. Tears were burning at the back of his eyes but hepushed on, taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry Tori-san," he said quietly. "I… I wanted to tell you—I really did! But you were already so worried…and I didn't want to burden you with it all…"

"And the hallucinogen?" Golden eyes widened.

"You already  _knew?_ "

Hatori sighed, tired. "Yes. Now…what  _happened?_ "

"I," stammered Ayame, his eyes trained on his constantly fumbling fingers, eyes burning still. "I don't know…exactly how it started. I don't remember where…I got my first high…or even when I became addicted." Hatori watched as that face melted to a reflective shade, eyes only half open. "All I know, was that it seemed like the only escape I had."

"When?" asked the older man; he'd somehow propped himself into a sitting position, his head resting on a pillow on the backboard. "When did this start?"

"Almost three years ago." The dragon quickly counted back the years. "That was…the year before Kana," muttered Ayame, noticing the dragon's frown. "At first, it was a beautiful escape, to be high. Then I became addicted and slowly, things became worse… I would see horrible things and I wouldn't know where I was… It was Hell. Gure-san was the only one who stayed by my side."

Hatori closed his eyes, swallowing dryly. "I…I'm so sorry Ayame… I didn't know."

The snake's eyes widened. "No!" he said, shaking his head hurriedly. "Don't be! I made Gure-san promise not to tell you—you have nothing to be sorry for!"

"Stop it Ayame," muttered the older man. "It was no excuse—I should have been there for you. I'm a doctor but I didn't see the signs. Why didn't you tell me?"

Ayame's golden eyes were turned to the floor, his silver hair fell like a milky curtain across his thin face, his dark lashes brushing his pale cheeks. A soft sigh escaped from his lips and his hands were limp in his lap. "Because I can't bear to have you worry about me… I didn't want you to see me that way… I couldn't bear to hurt you like that."

"Why?" Emerald eyes were piercing as he focused on the man sitting beside him. "Why didn't you tell me sooner, about how you feel?"

The snake's eyes were wide, but he didn't dare look up. "I… I don't understand Tori-san—"

"Why?"

Ayame flinched. "I can't… I can't do that to you…not after Kana-kun—I just can't!"

A flickering smile touched Hatori's lips and he shook his head. "Yes you can Ayame—please, tell me."

Tears were building at the backs of his eyes now, pushing forward, bleeding out to stain those soft cheeks. Ayame was shaking, near terrified; he swallowed. "I…I love you…Tori-san…"

It was the barest whisper, the softest breath of fresh air the dragon had felt since Kana, since his spring had left him. His emerald eyes softened and he reached out to gently brush the tears away with his fingertips, caressing that face as he did. He finally saw in those disbelieving eyes the love he'd been craving for so many years, the love he had thought that he'd found and lost in Kana. I t was home.

"Ayame, I promise," he said. "I will always be here, I won't leave; I will always be  _yours_ —I will always need  _you_."

 

* * *

 

Amethyst eyes widened as they watched the scene unfold. Hatori had somehow coaxed Ayame closer, taking the snake's face in his hands, and pressed his lips gently to the other man's. Yuki moved back so he was hidden from view behind the doorjamb, a smile on his lips.

For once, he was happy for his brother. Ayame had finally gotten his wish—Hatori was finally his. Somehow, it gave Yuki a flash of courage. Perhaps, if someone like Ayame could find love, why couldn't he? He looked down the hall; he knew Tohru was waiting back at Shigure's house, though under the naïve impression the dog and the rat had business with Akito.

What, he wondered, what was stopping him from showing her how much he cared? Kyou? No, never the foolish cat. Fear? Yes, an idiotic fear of losing her. She would never just leave him—at the very least, they'd still be friends.

He glanced again at the pair on the bed; they were cuddling, Hatori holding the snake so close as Ayame spread light kisses down the other man's jaw line. Again, Yuki smiled; it seemed he hadn't needed Hatori or Shigure's help—which was why he'd originally come nearly a week ago—he found he help exactly where he'd least expected it. His smile broadened slightly. "Thank you...Nii-san..."

 

* * *

 

Water dripped quietly from the vase he'd broken against the wall, the plants, their sad flowers scattered, littered the far side of the room. He was alone, the small birds that had always seemed to frequent Akito's room no longer had any reason to come, but he didn't notice as he sat, frozen. Shigure's dark chocolate orbs never left their fixed gaze on the garden outside the shoji. It was twisted and broken, dead. A little ways from where the dog sat leaning against the wall in the corner, laid Akito; the patriarch's body was limp now but still so cold, his eyes open and empty, black and indigo faded to a shadowed gray.

All light seemed to have left, but the sun was still floating just above the horizon, waltzing in fire and a burning passion. Shigure only watched. He'd never felt this empty, this far gone before, but it didn't matter. Only one thing mattered to him now.

_Aaya..._

Carefully, he got to his feet, silken sheets slipping from his fingers. His feet led him, once more, down the deserted halls until he came to Hatori's room; the door was slightly ajar and he looked in. Pain gripped his heart in black claws twined with jade green thorns as he took in the sight. Ayame, nuzzled against Hatori, his eyes contentedly half-closed as the dragon's arms wrapped around his waist so protectively, sprinkling that silver hair with soft kisses.

His hands clinched at his sides, his eyes narrowing. Hatori had taken it,  _Hatori_  had taken it, Hatori had  _stolen_  it—his heaven.  _His_ heaven!

He released a breath in a rush and closed his eyes, breathing in deeply, his jealousy melting away like molasses. Stealing himself, he opened the door, a grin on his face though his eyes burned; a mask to hide the truth. "So, I see you finally told him, Aaya."

Ayame looked up, his eyes wide, surprised, as they rested on the dog. "Gure-san!" He sat up a little, chewing his lip. "Gure-san...I—"

The dog shook his head and turned his gaze from the snake to Hatori, the fake smile still plastered across his features. "I trust he's told you everything?"

"Yes," was the answer Hatori gave, so quiet. "And I swear he'll never be alone again—I will never leave him."

Shigure nodded, closing his eyes and willing himself to stay calm for the one he loved and his friend. He knew he should be happy and he tried—he truly tried. His forced smile wavered for the longest moment, before he turned to the open window, his eyes fathomless, his breaths coming faster.

Ayame frowned, confused and worried. "Gure-san?" he asked. "Please, what's wrong?"

The dog chuckled bitterly, turning back to take that flawed, perfect face between his palms. Without a word he buried his face in the crook of the snake's shoulder and neck, holding the smaller man to him. Ayame's eyes were wide, muted. He'd seen those eyes—the eyes that had always been so murky, so full of secrets, unreadable—become like pale, smoky quartz, near translucent, hidden truths and unbearable secrets naked and bare but so twisted he couldn't understand. "Gure-san..."

Ayame could feel the tears seeping through his kimono as his friend looked up again, his eyes wet and glazed, crystal tears slipping past sable lashes. Shigure swallowed, glancing at Hatori who remained silent, understanding that it was only between the snake and dog; Shigure looked back, caressing Ayame's porcelain cheek, relishing the feel.

He sighed heavily, as though he was on the verge of sobbing. "I...I'm sorry Aaya, for everything," he whispered quietly, his eyes closing and his forehead resting gently against the snake's. "Please... I don't deserve it, but...someday...I hope you can forgive me..."

Ayame swallowed, so confused. "Gure-san, what..."

The dog looked up, the tears slipping down his cheeks, and smiled. "I know you and Haa-san will be happy together... I wish you nothing but love, and luck... Goodbye...Aaya..."

He smiled, so comfortingly, and tenderly kissed Ayame's forehead before sending the dragon a look that clearly said 'protect him'. The he left. No more words. No explanations. Just a tender, chaste kiss and a wish for good luck. Shigure's quick strides melted to a desperate run as he cleared the hall, heading toward the room, the most fitting place; the room where Akito was. He locked the door behind himself, though he never noticed that the latch didn't catch. His eyes flitted wildly from place to place, losing control, before landing suddenly on the center, on Akito's crumpled form, and resting there.

_Akito..._

He swallowed. Akito...oh  _gods_ , Akito..."

No matter how long or hard he called the pale boy never answered, never moved, never responded, and soon Shigure was no more than a heap at the patriarch's side. He kissed those cold lips, one last kiss, one last time; his fingers felt numb as they shut those eyes, the tears burning again as he brushed his hand down that cool cheek. He carefully, slowly, got to his feet, pulling the silken sheets with him.

He was only half aware as he worked, but he worked quickly, proficiently, only feeling the sting of every harsh truth. It tore at him, at his frayed heart—the knowledge of what he was doing, the hard reality of it, but he didn't care. He had nothing—with Akito dead and Ayame… He had no purpose; he was no longer needed. He had no reason.

Akito had been right.

He smiled, a grief-stricken and bitter smile. "I'm sorry Aaya… Enjoy your heaven…but it is only Hell for me now… I hope…you can somehow understand…that I still, and forever will, love you…"

He stood there, the wood painful and comforting against his bare feet, the silk soft and terrifying against the warm skin of his neck. He watched, silent now, as the sun died, soaking the earth in blood-red light, a crumpled piece of paper clutched in his hand.

He was shaking, pale as the tears came faster, coursing down his face. He couldn't do this, couldn't stay there anymore. There was no comfort there—only an ice-covered hell remained for him. He swallowed, taking a deep breath as he took the final step into fate.

The rope of silk pulled taunt as the chair tipped; the wind seemed to moan a passing current and the sun had sank below the horizon, the world painted in indigo and blue now. The crumpled paper slipped from his still and limp fingers. The last chance, the last choice, the last resort.

On that limp, crumpled, torn piece of paper were the final words, his final reason for an escape denied. Tears stained the worn letter, smearing the already sloppy writing, but somehow, it was still legible, those words that screamed of broken dreams and a shattered soul. But there was no one to read them as a passionless, cruel wind tore it away, forcing it through the open shoji where it followed the dusting snowflakes to the single lonely bench near the bare trees. It rested for only a moment there before an icy gust sent it on with the flakes that fell like dying sakura petals—a single glimpse was all it allowed before it was forever lost to the eyes of man. No more than a haunting memory of the words remained.

" _Sweet is true love tho' given in vain, in vain;_

_And sweet is death who puts an end to pain:_

_I know not which is sweeter, no, not I._

" _Love art thou sweet? then bitter death must be:_

_Love, art thou bitter; sweet is death to me._

_O Love, if death be sweeter, let me die._

" _Sweet love, that seems not made to fade away,_

_Sweet death, that seems to make us loveless clay,_

_I know not which is sweeter, no, not I._

" _I fain would follow love, if that could be;_

_I needs must follow death, who calls for me;_

_Call and I follow, I follow! let me die_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:**  The end. Yes, that's right;  _the end_. The. End. Finally! No more slaving over this story! I'm so happy!
> 
> Now, I want honest answers: who guessed what would happen at the end? Also, did you like it? As morbid as it sounds, I loved writing this one. I can't wait for everyone's reviews! (Though I know I get flames for the ending…ugh!) Anyway, didn't I tell you I'd finish it? Now that I've done all that hard work (and it was!), please do me a favor and review!


	10. Epilogue - Moroi Jinsei Omoi-de Aru

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **A/N:**  Heh. I'm sure you all thought I would be evil, ne? Well, I decided to scrape a little of the ice off my heart and present you with this! The magnificent epilogue! Enjoy!
> 
>  **Disclaimer:**  Don't own, not making any money!
> 
>  **Additional Notes:**  "Moroi Jinsei Omoi-de Aru" means "Remembrance of a Fragile Life". Still depressing.

" _You left me, sweet, two legacies,—_

_A legacy of love_

_A Heavenly Father would content,_

_Had he the offer of_

" _You left me boundaries of pain_

_Capacious as the sea,_

_Between eternity and time,_

_You conscience and me._ "

He stood there, lost, alone, a frigid chill twined about his heart. Empty. He stared at that fan, so cold, so tired. It was an ordinary fan—six blades and no light. It was just a fan, but it sent chills and horror through his soul. Shadows played across it, giving it the feeling of  _that_  night…

He'd gone to find Shigure; his friend had acted so strange, had looked so upset as he had left the day before. He didn't understand—he couldn't understand anything at all anymore. Dark, everything was so dark now, so uncertain. Since that day, since those words… He could close his eyes and those words would echo in his mind, engraved there for eternity.

" _I… I'm sorry Aaya, for everything. Please…I don't deserve it, but…someday…I hope you can forgive me."_  He'd smiled, his eyes glassy and wet.  _"I know you and Haa-san will be happy together… I wish you nothing but love, and luck… Goodbye… Aaya…"_

That was last time he saw the Shigure he had thought he knew. Perhaps…if he hadn't stayed by Hatori… He should have followed—he should have! Things might've been different—if only he had gone after his friend!

But he hadn't.

He'd knocked on the door the next day, wanting to talk, but no one had answered. He'd waited and waited and waited. He'd waited for nearly twenty minutes; he was worried, the image of the dog's anguished face from the day before flashing through his mind. He couldn't stand worrying and waiting anymore—he opened the door.

The sight he'd seen haunted his days and nights now, twisting and looming in his mind. If he had only followed… Shigure… He'd found Shigure.

The dog, the one he had always thought would be there, had hung himself in the shadows of Akito's room. The noose was made of the satin and silk bed sheets, twisted, braided, and looped together. He'd hung himself from that fan.

He could still see those wide, unseeing eyes, that mouth, horribly pale and blue-tinted, open in a silent scream, an unheard cry for release. His neck broken, head cocked at an impossible angle—he only hoped death was swiftly… So limp, lifeless, as his feet dangled near flour feet above the waiting ground…

He was shaking now. He felt light-headed, the room beginning to sway and spin; he knew if he didn't sit down soon his legs would give out. Carefully he sank to the floor, his wide eyes near really leaving the fan. His breath hitched and he gasped to catch it before it left forever. His best friend had died on that fan…

Shigure hadn't even left a note—perhaps that's what killed him the most—he didn't understand. Why had Shigure done it? Why?  _Why?_ There was no need for it! Why had the dog thrown his life away?  _Why?_  Still, he believed it to be Akito's fault; though how, he wasn't sure. He'd found the patriarch's body near Shigure's—he was dead. Fluid in the lungs, or something like that. He had only asked one question after the autopsy—"Did he die in the pain he deserved?" Akito deserved pain, he had decided long ago; he deserved to rot and burn in hell for  _everything_. There had been no tears shed at Akito's funeral and that felt…right, somehow.

He sighed, a dry sob escaping through the fingers that now covered his mouth. The dog's funeral had been different. Tears fell like rain as they lowered the casket, flowers and small things piled on with prayers and farewells. He'd clung to Hatori, unable to hold himself up alone. He could see nothing but the way Shigure had looked, cold and limp, above the ground. Another sob ripped free and he felt himself drowning, suffocating. " _Why?_ "

"He wanted to."

He swallowed, glancing over his shoulder to see Hatori, a cigarette, long since burnt out, held lightly between those lips. "T-Tori…"

"Ayame, Shigure must have wanted to die…  _He_  was the one who made the noose.  _He_ was the one who tipped over the chair beneath him…  _He_  was the one who ended it." Hatori closed his eyes. "He  _wanted_  to die."

"But  _why?_ " demanded Ayame, shaking worse. " _Why?_ "

The dragon shook his head. "I can't answer that."

Golden eyes were wide, tears streaming down those cheeks, through those splayed fingers. "Oh Gure-san…why?"

Hatori only watched, his emerald eyes infinitely sad.

His stomach heaved and Ayame clamped his hands over his mouth as he felt the nausea rise. The tears were coming faster now, burning, and his eyes glazed with the agony of it all. Hatori knelt next to him, wrapping his arms around the snake, holding him. "Ayame…I'm here. I promise I will never leave you…  _Never_ …"

A sob, so broken, so alone. "Tori…"

Hatori winced as he pulled Ayame closer, the scar on his stomach aching, sending a sharp pain through his frame but he ignored it—his lover was far more important than any scar. He kissed those lips, those eyelids, that forehead, the crystal tears that fell from twin suns, wishing he could kiss away all the pain. "I swear to you, Ayame," he whispered into silver tresses, "I will always be here. I will always be  _yours_."

"I… Oh,  _gods_ , Tori-san," managed the snake through the pain. " _Tori-san_ … I love you—don't leave me!"

The dragon held Ayame's shaking body, knowing he would never— _could never_ —break his promise, his  _vow_. "I promise—I  _won't_."

They stayed that way for what seemed like hours, Hatori never once speaking of his own wearied agony. Ayame moaned softly, his hand going to his forehead. "Tori-san…why did it have to be this way?"

The dragon sighed, emerald soft and understanding. "We may never know that Ayame—all we can do is pray and hope…and remember happier days for Shigure."

Ayame sniffed, resting back against the dragon's chest, mindful of the throbbing scar. "Happier days? I suppose… He should know—I wonder: can he see everything from heaven?" A ghost of a smile flitted across Hatori's face as he held the only thing he had left closer. "Do you think he knows? About Yuki and Tohru?"

A quiet laugh. "Yes, I'm sure he does. I'm sure he had a hand in it as well—something about their engagement just reeked of Shigure, didn't it?"

"Yes!" giggled the snake softly, his eyes sliding half-closed. "Yes… You know, sometimes I can feel him… I think, Tori, that he's watching over us…"

Hatori swallowed dryly, closing his own eyes. "I think you're right—we're always together—"

"Even when we're apart," finished his silver-haired lover. "We'll meet him again someday, won't we Tori-san?"

"Yes, murmured the dragon softly, picking the snake up. "We will…and everything will be fine. Mabudachi Trio forever…"

Ayame murmured against his chest as he made his way down the hall, toward the room they now shared. "Tori? Do you think there will be sakura in heaven? Gure-san always loved watching them fall…"

A small lump had formed in Hatori's throat and he paused in his walking. "Yes," he said at last after a moment. "Yes…but it will be better—there will be sakura snows…"

_—Saigo no Owari—_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:**  Okay, this is the final chapter—there will be no more after this, no matter how many times you ask (no offense). I hope you enjoyed "Sakura Snows", and I'm sorry the updates took so long. If you have any questions, just ask and I'll be happy to answer them! The poem in chapter 9, I forgot to mention (and thanks to a reviewer for reminding me), is "The Song of Love and Death" by Lord Alfred Tennyson, and the poem at the head of this chapter is by Emily Dickinson. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and I hope to hear reviews from you again!


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